28.4.08

i remember you.

standing in the shelter of the apartment, windy and cold

there's rain and he stands there waiting for her with an umbrella

she walks off the last step of the staircase, "hello..."

they set off together, under the light ridden shower

coffee for two please (:

regular.

i am fucking pissed with people who don't know how to read invites on facebook and RESPOND.
tiu. what's so hard with spending 5 minutes reading it and then deciding if ur going to fucking show up? seriously, why do i even bother doing this thing?
why do i even bother inviting like 100 people to this when quite frankly it appears that it's most likely going to be a flop? even so i am going to spend whatever money i have on this. just drink and dance all night. you people not showing up is not going to rain on my fucking parade. if anything i am just going to have a better time not layan-ing you. annoying lah.

the actual day was pretty uneventful. tame! compared to the other days. surprises and whatnot.
i went for 7am mass! sent my pop to work after breakfast at the fat lady. chores. off we go!
chilled at the apartment for an hour or so. cracked jokes about "love at first sight"
apparently he and i were the only ones who didn't know about it, hahaha
went to a friend's place, omg poor mangled dog. sent her to the vet. operations could be necessary.
i swear i wanted to throw up. went back to his house, chilled. played the truth game.. lol. funny how honest we can be, when it's only a bottle spun to point at you. there were funny questions, serious questions, lousy questions, unanswered questions. smoked up. went back to the vet. deposit. untrusting asses. drove home.
super tired. washed the car. dinner. slept.
12.30am, phone call.
2am, falls back asleep.


right.

26.4.08

there's a new slate for you

so i'm jumping on this, this little boat that could sink at anytime
i know it will give way in time
but i'm still in it.
that shows something, doesn't it? *hint: commitment*

i like him enough to try
but i don't like him that much to stop the little side dishes that come along
call me a two-timing bitch if you must, but i've done this for quite some time now, it's like an addiction.
his friend, one of the "macho guys" in the previous post, has a lot more to offer than what this is, at least for now. and after the super long conversation we had yesterday, yes we talked while the sun was still in sight, til it set and long after it was starry outside. he gets me, i get him. it's cool, it rocks my socks. if i'm not careful, i might just like him too much. ;)

boy, i hope you prove me wrong.
either way, i can't regret this.
or maybe it was meant to happen lah.
*shrugs*

but i have bigger news than hooking up with him and staring into his friend's eyes.
all under the same roof, mind you. *in his words, "not bad, not bad at all"* hahahhahahahha
what is really funny is that, some people still believe in "love at first sight"
dude, that's just FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
i mean, don't make me break some ribs here okay. i laughed so hard yesterday when i found out, i mean all this shit happened yesterday, in the span of less than 12 hours, that's half a day for you. what the fuck is wrong with everyone, man? come on lah, this isn't funny anymore.
heck it was never funny.
i already feel exhausted from smoking up and walking here and there the entire day, this does not have to be included in the itinerary.

first of all, we just met. it was nice meeting you, really. i think you're a nice person, although i use 'nice' for people i don't know. whatever that means. but seriously, did you really think i was going to fall for you through conversations about our upcoming birthday parties, and how to get water running at the kitchen sink, and some random things i said about sending me home?

woahhh, slow it down right there.

i was interested in having a joint birthday with you, only because it'd mean that our friends don't have to run up and down opposite sides of town to toast us to many more drunken nights and get knocked out somewhere in the middle. here it comes, "WAS INTERESTED".
dude, after that stunt you pulled last night, i'm even scared to be in the same space alone with you. no offense, all sorts of worst case scenarios came blazing into my head right after you dropped winston off and i was just like wtf, gripping my jeans with sweaty palms like my life depended on it. i am, however, very thankful that you came back, kept to your promise to hang out with all of us etc and in the end, got me home in one piece. but really, i did not do a single thing to make you fall for me, or to indicate that i've got the hots for you.

please lah.
i don't do this, by this i mean the "love at first sight" crap, never have, never will. "lust at first sight", now that's another story for another day ;)

perhaps i should just have gotten the hints when you offered me a puff right to my lips, and when you literally had the lollipop in my face, asking why i don't want it? *er, because i don't share lollipops with strangers, i know there were three other's candy that i shared, but that's cause they are people i have known for at least a month, therefore ruling out any romantic links except for him*, and when you had your chin on my head, and i was actually about to reach up to touch your face when i realized this isn't my guy! O.O wtf. who else is getting so comfy with me! and asking me to go out to get cigarettes with you *thank GOD for whoever it was that told him to go with you, and if i saw correctly, although i was staring a little too much at "macho guy", i could see you had a tu lan face @_@ why is that? cause he's leaning against me, all sweaty and truly, that was a compromising position. playing with my hair, my hands on his chest etc. sorry if it got you all worked up. but really, it's pretty hilarious lah. AND ANNOYING OKAY. +_+

oh the funniest part, is that you talked with him and later to him as well, about me! wow. wtf man. what i heard was that you thought you had a shot, you thought it was meant to be, love at first sight *omg not that line again!!* and that i was showing similar reciprocation *wtf man! i did no such nonsense* and that you're sorry, you didn't know he and i go back awhile now, etc. teng, i never had such a fuss made over me, it's quite over the top, even exciting to some certain extent. but i can do without the excess drama alright? what with them telling me their emo stories after me talking to him about MY emo shit about what happened a fucking year ago @_@

all in all, i think i had a good time yesterday, heck i was there not knowing what the fuck was going on *shrugs* and then smoking up, and to mcd's, and back and then 11 people being too cramped in one room, so some talk about moving the meeting to another place. hereby we stuffed 5 people in one car, the rest walked.
11 people, nice party we got going.

we smoked even more there, and they tripped, "love at first sight" came by later again.
i got several calls, i lost all track of time, but honestly, i didn't even know what the fuck was going, what with everyone going in and out of the rooms, "people, you gotta come for a while to the other room, wtf are you guys doing here? come on let's go", i probably heard that line like a hundred times. hahahaha

and so i slip in for a few minutes, and go out again. damn, there's no way i am going to stay in a room full of guys waiting to topple over the edge. i am not that free okay. besides they tripped around 7.30 ish i think, the few of us who didn't trip, talked and talked and talked. i was surprised people could emo talk while tripping. i think i'm just glad he didn't trip. i don't know where some went half the time. so mostly it was just a three.

and some funny things happened, besides the whole drama thing.
a friend just started digging his fingers into my thigh and i was like wtf is going on
if i didn't know any better, *and i did!* i would have thought he thinks i'm his girlfriend which i don't know disappeared to where. so very firmly, i placed his hand back to where it should be, with him.she was like, wtf he thinks you're the gf. and we all laugh but seriously don't get funny with me, i'm utterly without morals or boundaries. i go where lust may take me. hahahahahhaa

i also told g that actually there are other people in the picture, cause she asked what's going between us now, and then i had a weird look on my face cause there ARE other people and apparently she heard about it and at that moment, honestly, it's like someone shot my foot caus e all i could say was like ooohmgawdddd oh sheeeetttttt! @_@ yeah that wasn't so great since the rest were trippin. whatever. still remains a fact, that it's not going to be over this easily.


oh and i was kinda stoned when i wrote this, we were ooh-ing and aah-ing over my two sentences, which is kinda fun lah (:

twenty four suns cut across the skies
free twists for the merry go round
he hits you, with no reason
the retaliation cuts your wrists

in short it means, the timespan of 24 suns have passed by
and during that time you have lived happily
but then he hits you, with no reason
and for this it brings you back to reality where pain actually does exist.
you retaliate and that brings more pain than when he hit you.
does it make sense?

when i wrote that, it took me awhile to get my words straight.
i wrote other stuff, but it doesn't make sense anymore. hahaha

lying on that messed up bed,
the fan above that doesn't quite work properly,
all of a sudden you apologize,
and tell me to give you a chance.
you want to prove that you're worth committing to
i hesitate, i know.
someone just walked in, they mumble and walk out again.
i just had some heart to heart with someone else while you tripped.
could i do this? i said it before,
i can't split myself into two.
so the conversation moves out to the living room,
in between talking with other people who
snigger and throw sly glances my way,
i insist, i didn't do anything. (:
still, it proves irresistible to tease me.
i give in.
i tell g what went on, but if anything, i'm impressed
he's good at hiding what he feels




funny how it seeps into your dreams
of what could be.
would that replace what you want in real life?
i'd like to take a shot with him
if only our timing wasn't so bloody horrible
i wouldn't say we are a match made in heaven etc
but it certainly does look like i have found another halve of me
and that's pretty interesting
oh what do i do now that i've chosen my cake
i can't reorder, or exchange
maybe i should weigh my options
when i've gone further down this path



p/s: this took me 2 and a half hours to type. fuck.

24.4.08

i like macho men (:

but then again who doesn't?
the kind of guy who is physically able to stand up for you, should you get into a scuffle/catfight/whatever
the one who opens the door and waits for you to walk through, steps aside so that you won't slosh into a puddle, looks out for you even when not necessary *damn i think that's sweet*
the one who entertains you with his wits, not his spit.
he doesn't even have to have looks that will rival johnny depp or patrick dempsey

i know one *actually, two* guy(s) who is all of the above, plus a good sense of fashion as well.
simple, nothing drastic fantastic. with pretty good taste in music, i must say.
then again, no one's prefect. he lacks a little academically.
i'm not impressed with straight A's thank you very much.

he, being him, is more than enough for me.
(:

like i give a hoot

so he thinks i am cool to talk to, to hang out with etc
does it really matter since he's not talking to me now anyways?
*rolls eyes*
i don't want to be bitchy and say it's gotta be all about me
but honestly, it's not like you mean what you say.
so why the hell do you even try?
i wish to GOD you never brought it up with me.
its like you're playing mind games with me, do you know that?

he, on the other hand, is funny, witty AND cute
that's 2 out of 3 things that you don't have.
sigh. i wish i met him earlier =/
i can't have the fucking cake and eat it right?
plus he's a friend. and a funny one at that.
i wouldn't want to screw this up.

my stomach is growling, i would like a sausage mcmuffin with hash browns and an iced milo
or pork noodles with soya bean, or waffles with ice-cream.
i think i'd just go to sleep.

dinner with the peanuts. last one til july i think.
mostly, i just can't wait for summer.
the boys and the girls! i fucking miss the whole lot of them ):
let's just waste the summer away, beautiful people.

btw i stubbed my other big toe, fuck.
hurts like a fucking bitch okay.
it's BLEEDING! @_@
well i'm just glad the nail's intact, not torn right off like the last time. tiu.
i tersepak a concrete block right in front of 7-11 while lighting up.
i always stumble, fall over, trip, or hurt myself in some random way while lighting up.
there are three burn marks or more, all from smoldering ash.

+_+
wtf.

i will sleep. wake up. wash up. eat something good. try not to fall back asleep. do some work damnit! and be happy (:


btw, he's a gunner's guy too! like it matters. hah.

23.4.08

this is it.

20 in 4 days, am i ready? hell no.

  1. Pick a goal and shoot for it. Set deadlines. If the goal becomes unreachable, pick a new goal and repeat. Plan. Take the long view. (hello, AUSTRALIAAAAAA! haahaha!)
  2. Save some money. (i am broke as it is, but come on now, donate to the mel needs some cash to eat fund)
  3. You need your “me time“. (translated : emo time)
  4. There’s always someone else. Get back on the horse when it’s over, and quickly. (there's always a line of boys *naughty grin*)
  5. Don’t look back with regret. It’s a waste of time and energy. (hahaha, true that)
  6. Getting past your fears is always rewarding in the long term. (i'm scared of clowns! wtf am i supposed to do!)
  7. Short term sacrifice for long term gain will pay dividends. If you have to take a shitty job to pay the rent, don’t make it a career. (it ain't so bad doing customer service eh)
  8. Pack a lunch — don’t buy a lunch. Avoid buying coffee from a coffee shop. Basically, don’t waste money where you don’t have to. (hahhaa, i guess this strikes a sore patch when it comes to cigarettes)
  9. Travel whenever you can afford to do so. You will be better served by a week in Ireland than you will by owning a nice TV. (i can't afford to, but i do, and what amazing trips there have been..)
  10. Pay your debts as quickly as you can. Don’t run up your credit cards. (Hahaha what credit card? more like i owe people cash that they loan me out of pity cause i'm always THAT broke)
  11. Keep in shape. You don’t have to be buff, but it is worth the effort to hit the gym a few times a week and to walk instead of drive wherever possible. (oh please, my lungs screech for air when i take a walk up the 4 flights of stairs in college, maybe in 5 years?)
  12. Your employers will want to pay you as little as possible. You need to look out for #1. A misplaced sense of loyalty should not overshadow your need to pay the mortgage. If you get a better offer somewhere else, consider it.
  13. Show your parents that you appreciate them before it’s too late. (i love you!)
  14. Learn to cook for large groups of people. (HAHAHHAHAHHAHHA..)
  15. Know how to dance. Take care of your back. (turn up the music please!)
  16. Make friends with the brightest students in related disciplines (physics, chem, etc) and stay in touch with them, so that you can get help in areas outside of your speciality when you go to work. While you’re at it, stay in touch with people from this time period, once you lose contact, you often lose them for good. (damn right.)
  17. Learn Hindi, Arabic, Mandarin, Spanish, or any other major language so that you can work across the world. (let's go global!)
  18. Trust your instincts when it comes to love but not when it comes to alcohol. (RIIIIIGHT..)
  19. Don’t ever be threatened by another person. Nobody is as good as being you as you are, so just focus on that.
  20. If there are any facets of your life which still rely on mom and dad, start strategising ways to become completely independent. You will have to be independent one day.
  21. Take your women’s studies classes with a huge grain of salt. Burn your copy of Gyn/Ecology and read Nation of Rebels, Rules for Radicals, and Economics of the Madhouse.
  22. Spend less time joining feel-good student organizations, more time learning to organize.
  23. Follow current events carefully. You’ll benefit in a thousand ways from a continuum of knowledge about what’s happened in the world.
  24. Work hard. Talent is not enough.
  25. Remember to be the only one of your peers to move abroad and live on nothing doing something you love after graduating. Your grades are gonna stay the way they are, and your diploma’s not gonna jump out of its frame - there’s no rush to go to grad school/become an accountant/find The One. Also, remember to finish your malaria medication so your mom doesn’t freak out for a year after you get back from Africa.
  26. Don’t let old people tell you what course of study will or won’t make you money–it doesn’t matter. You should study what you like. It’s quite possible that you won’t be working in either field in a few years.
  27. Surround yourself with interesting people. (there's too many of them hahhaa)
  28. Never stop reading.
  29. Believe in yourself.
  30. Live your life, not the life set for you by others.
  31. Don’t stand for anyone treating you badly. If they treat you with contempt and hurtfulness, run away very quickly.
  32. You will go through some seriously bad crap, but things will get better. You will turn a corner. Try to find the good things in shitty situations - it helps you to feel less regret at how things turned out.

who cares that it's 32 things instead of 20 :p

22.4.08

i am no great romancer

please don't ask me where i'm going

and you know that we are doomed

i wonder if it makes a difference to cry

that's just the way the story goes

i will let you down, i will make you hurt

you are someone else

i am still right here

i ain't afraid of hurt, i've had so much that it feels normal to me now


instead, let's just...

i should be talking about the birthday celebrations instead of being all emo-fied over that bugger.

so it was good. i mean the birthday party.
i had an awesome time when the sun was out, went to a mall with the peanuts, had brunch til about 3 ish, laughed, cam whored, had some serious-ish conversations, opened my present which is a blood red top that would be "awesome for me cause it's a clubbing top" but i haven't clubbed in a long while now so i don't know when i'll wear that top. watched "definitely, maybe". it's just not my kinda movie. it was alright, not fantastic. but yeah this is about me, not some movie. so we headed over to the bookstore at yet another mall to browse for ian mcewan's atonement and something or other which j should get by tomorrow or so.

and we are off to the party. i get there where drinks are all already over the place, now let's see if i can get it all right. a bunch of people, yeah i think i got it all. some others came a half hour later or smth. i don't know who else showed up but i think that's about it. and there was a cake. choc mud cake i think. i don't know why we each got one candle @_@ made a wish, blew, clapped, caught on camera.

i went to fix the music, and before i could grasp what was going on, i had cake smeared all over my face as well, it was even in my nose wtf. struggling so that they don't get a shot of my caked up hair etc. man, that was fucked up. it was obvious that they got him good, but i was too damn blur la. we cleaned up and i think they wanted to lock us in the toilet +_+ okay that is just too stupid. anyhoo, it was pizza time, after which we followed up with drinking and smoking up. i saw some old flame rekindling, i hope things go well even though it could end up hurting me, but who am i to say i get it all? anyways, things were dramatic, a fight ensued, which ended up with us being stranded. right. we were left with the house which the host and hostess abandoned. yeah. that was just a damn smart move. so what to do but to leave as well?

party should have concluded there and then. but they wanted to trip, wtf. why do i have kekawan who are crazy? took a car, drove some dudes, went over to lafite, chilled for a grand total of less than an hour, sent a friend home, drove back to my place, kinda died for a little and then the friend went all paranoid on the phone which got me kinda worked up.

woke up, did my chores, went to lafite again, no answer, returned the car, took my choc-ed up top and chivas (: went to mcd's with the people. it felt so fucking unreal, i was like wat the fuck i am so tired and why i am here. went to lafite yet again. smoked up again. wtf i must want to die damn fast. you know, thinking back, i don't even know what the fuck were we doing there. so anyways, we left the place around 6, got home, had dinner, couldn't really sleep til like 1-ish or two because he decided to mindfuck me about how he can't like two girls at once, and some leftover feelings which won't be fair to me and all that jazz which was not pleasant and honestly that didn't help in trying to sleep.

which led to me being completely emo on monday and i have yet to finish any of my assignments and this will seriously carry some heavy penalty and my 8am tutorial for mass comm is canceled but i still have to go fucking early and i don't see the point in doing that cause i am up from 4am to do work which is still not done. sigh. wat the fuck man.

yeah that sums up the past three days.

21.4.08

here goes..

written during mass comm 101 class when i was on the ipod, not listening to the stupid lecturer teaching from her slides which can be easily obtained from the internet. she really thinks we are stupid. i am fucking emo and tired. don't mind the ramblings please.

this is shit that i really don't need. i mean, what am i supposed to do now? wait? walk away? pretend it never happened? pretend i don't understand? pretend? just pretend? yeah, sure. that would be a piece of cake. cause it was all a figment of my imagination. defense. offense. i play both and right now, my ignorance of what was said is my defense mechanism. and what i am doing to myself is offense. this is entirely unnecessary. if anything, perhaps i should have never done anything, shouldn't have responded to 4 hour conversations, shouldn't have entertained anything. what is the fucking point? really. i am hurt and there isn't a first aid kit in sight that would help me. what started out as an intention for a little fling has grown into a problem that i don't know how to handle. i have never asked for anything, not for time, money, affection, least of all a relationship. But thinking about it, i have fallen, with a landing not so expected. if i could, i would end it. i am sorry as well that this is the position that you are in. i only understand it all too well, to want something good but how certain things make you unable to let go of your past, whatever that may be. i see you talking to her and my insecurities surface. does it really have to be this way? i took the plunge, a direct lead-on. it's like a dirty word "leading on". i'll get over this but right now, even if my motto is "hate the player, not the game", i am struggling to keep my shit together. how did i let you get to me this way? i am easily affected. that's just how i work, it's how i function.

i'm talking about one person, one guy that i don't even know what i like about him. is it fair to be angry at him? can i hate him? i am capable, but do i want to be the bitch who hates the guy cause she didn't get him? i like where we are now, even if it's not anything massive. he can't decide between his ex-girlfriend who has moved on, and i. fyi, his ex is already in another relationship. and what he says is that it wouldn't be fair to me if we tried this out and she's on his mind. i get it. but i don't know if i'll stick around long enough to wait and find out who he picks in the end.
i have a feeling i would lose this one. in any case, the dude's confused.

i am emotionally drained, and to be frank, i can't deal with this right now. i have my own issues that i need to handle. it's time to be selfish.

no doubt, this does hurt. enough to be etched.

20.4.08

happy early 20th to meeee!

yeah i know it’s damn perasan of me.suka hati lah! i had a good time, i really did (:

a day out with peanuts and a joint surprise birthday party with shoaib cause his is on the 23rd and mine’s 4 days later. it’s only logical that we would be “surprised” together! some pretty interesting presents, cheers to that!

damn, i have some good mates (: it’s not like i didn’t know about it, cause you can’t hide anything from me okay!

to the lovely people who made the time to plan, compromise, surprise, pay, cake-smearers, photographers, musicians, hippies, new friends, old friends, gifts, drinks, food, the lot!

i’m incredibly thankful you guys actually took the time to do this (: it means a lot, truly! sigh. when i am rich and kinda famous, i won’t forget you!

exams super potong, cause now i gotta wait for like two weeks or more to really go all out, nyahahahhaa (:

thanks once again! (: photos on facebook! please,not the one of my cakeface!

*mwah!

18.4.08

woot.

drinks bond people

i think that's very true

was at a gig last night.
i bumped into Uthzz! it's been too long, darling!
and i am such a stalker la, i saw not one, but two! photographers. hehehe cute ones
sigh. this is why i shouldn't be allowed online after roaming the streets (:
the keyboardist of Witherspoon is honestly smokin' hawt ;)
and the shy one in me had the opportunity to say hi, thanks to Uthzz!
i gotta tell you, i totally dig musicians *sexy time*

had a malibu rum *yummy!* we also had a butch-ey kinda waitress who took our orders and whatnot, and i honestly felt a super gay vibe from her. i asked the design boy and he couldn't disagree. what is it with me and my luck of meeting people who are either downright lousy, or gay!?!? why, i don't deserve someone who's amazing is it? i'm kidding, perhaps i'm friends with all the awesome people, it'd be weird if we hooked up.

i was also thinking, i did bump into familiar faces, but we know we aren't going to acknowledge the other's existence. i don't know why we do this, but you know what? i am going to say hi the next time around. just for fun (: strike a chord, leave a trail...

it was a night not wasted and i had fun which is always good, but we left early cause i hate thursdays! super duper long days. i am never ever having a four hour break in between classes again.
it was a virgin mistake, period.

anyhoo, i like times like that. make your ass comfortable, get a bottle, a few glasses, a pack of cigarettes or two, turn up the stereo, make sure the funniest, loudest, unabashed people are present and that's my idea of an awesome night (: heck, i can do that every weekend.

not happy at the mo, wtf is wrong with YOU. would it be so damn hard on your ego to fucking text me back. i am not going. you can't make me. no point in being nice.



cheers to beers! *mwah!



p/s: i got an early birthday card from juenee! thank you so much my dear friend! (:

16.4.08

these boots are made for walking.

yeah peeptoeheels.

either that or flipflops.
i can't stand half arsed heels, wedges offer no comfort/stability, i don't like em strapped heels either, or would i ever go for sneakers cause my toes are weird. they hurt when i wear sneakers.

but enough with what i slide my feet into.
i hope this remains anonymous. i want to bitch and not be stabbed in the back about it.
also, this is a way to procrastinate. i have too many assignments due this week. and there are two days left in this week. oh i am a barrel of laughs. there are also a ton of places to be, faces to meet, money to be spent, movies to watch, and of course people to bitch about.

can i wait til the next post? no, not really.
it could come up in the next half hour.
but i sure hope not. essays to do!!!!

i'll leave you with a bit of me : i am a Gunner's girl.

14.4.08

sugar-coated

why do you have to be so damn sweet.
@_@

well i miss him. for what it’s worth.

13.4.08

wtf.

don’t ask me why..
i don’t fucking know.
i don’t have a clue.
i come back at midnight like cinderella sneaks back into her castle or tower.
i don’t leave any clues behind like my glass slipper but he certainly knows how i look like now since he took photos of me. i was willing. no, this isn’t even about him. as cute as he may be. i will blog about him when i feel better. but now i don’t feel like i’m going to feel better. i feel like shit. maybe worse than shit. but then i don’t fucking know how shit feels like, maybe this is one level worse than shit. what the fuck am i rambling on about i have no fucking idea. except that i feel like having a cigarette. yes i finally typed it out right here. yes i am smoking. yes it is detrimental to my health but i still do it. we all do something of the sort so stop looking at me and keeping me on the guilt trip cause you do the fucking same bad shit to yourself except that it may be drinking, gambling, lying, fucking or whatever it is. i don’t give two fucks about that right now. well i also feel like having a drink. maybe i’ll go make myself a drink later because i haven’t had a shot in two weeks and more. and i was supposed to get sloshed last night but i respect the people there, it’s not my bleeding party and i don’t get the right to steal the limelight. in any case i am completely fucked this week. i’ve got a shitload of work that i have procrastinated til this very second where i am blogging to release all this pent up shit that i have up to my skinny neck. yeah i have so much shit to do. and i wish she’d stop burping/farting/releasing air. cause it pisses me off. or at least do it so that i can’t hear it. but i can’t tell her to stop. and i wish to God that i did my chores so that i won’t have this shit on my conscience. even if everything happens for a reason. i feel like this is my shit and now i have to fucking deal with it and i don’t know how to. and i have that many friends but none would understand what the fuck am i going through now. why the hell do i have to deal with this? what did i do? or not do? it can’t be the bloody chores. omg why can’t i just get a smoke now. and i hate her. i hate her for being so fucking pilih kasih. i hate him for talking about my brat of a cousin all the fucking time like he’s all there is to this world. fuck that shit. and he makes all sorts of funny noises and asks the same fucking questions all the time i just want to tell them all to shut the fuck up cause i don’t want to listen to whatever they have to say cause it’s not important. cause it doesn’t make a difference in MY world even though they live in it. and now…….

i just want to hug you and make all this go far far away.

So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah

-maroon 5, goodnight goodnight-

7.4.08

taggy-ti-tag-tag

damn the malas to do this, one of a few +_+
but i shall procrastinate

Instructions: Remove one question from below, add in one of your own (personal), to make a total of 20. Tag 10 people in your list in the end of this post. Notify them.

1. At what age do you wish to be married?
um, 21…? gosh that’s next year!!! no way jose. er when i’m ready la. which is very likely to be never. (:

2. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you’d take and why?
it’s hard to say… i’d bring jojoe cause we can bitch and smoke and he is my male counterpart, lipengjman as they come in a buy one free one package and they can double up as laughing gas and can drink til we knock out, and lastly i’d bring jay cause there’ll be good conversations and i’d need good music so i’ll jump on the ipod bandwagon (:

3. Where is the place that you want to go to the most?
right now, it’s gotta be the beach!

4. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are another 3 blog buddies you’d take and why?
wtf, where can repeat question wan. cheating! um, akmal cause that’s the way we roll yo, more like can naik gila together-gether, jean so that i can argue with someone, and i’d bring grace cause she’s the sensible one. lols

5. Do you believe you can survive without money?
hell no

6. What are you afraid to lose the most?
my eyesight.

7. If you win $1 Million, what would you do?
blow it all on drinks (: and maybe some on other vices. derma to AIDS charities too la.

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
nah, i’d prolly fall out of love the next day.

9. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
funny, dependable, full of shit. HEY THAT’S GOOD k

10. What requirement do you wish from your other half?
hmm, i dig musicians. someone who can play the sax (:

11. What kind of person do you hate the most?
people who take others for granted.

12. If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, will you?
yeah, i’d do the damn adp programme then and be across the world by now.

13. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. What does it mean to you?
it means what it means la. but i believe no one can give u unconditional love except for God.

14. If you had a pet orang utan, what would you call him? And why?
i don’t want one, tqvm.

15. If there’s ever a war(or things that are similar) happening in your place, are you going to move to a safer place, or fight?
it depends on what’s the cause of the war, if it’s for equality among the citizens of the country, freedom of speech etc then hell yeah. but if it’s for stupid shit like global warming, forget it. we can’t do no shit to fix that okay. give up already.

16. If you have the chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
my temper.

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
um, actually no one.

18. What’s your weakest point?
being too laid back

19. What’s your favorite drink and why?
chivas, cause it’s fucking nice, that’s why! hahahha

20. Would you rather drown or be burnt alive?
i’d prolly drown, cause i can’t swim properly. besides, you won’t be able to recognize me if i went up in flames.

i tag : anyone la. sien. +_+

and again.

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. What is your favourite food?
um i like chocolate (:

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
yeah. boring question.

3. what’s on your playlist now?
Universe and U by KT Tunstall

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
the beach. NOW.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
i want to be happy.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
well i’ll believe it if i see it.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
my dignity.

8. If you win RM1 million, what would you do?
get more drinks. pay for my own education. buy hermes birkin, skip the damn 3 year waiting list. (:

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
malas lah.

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
she listens to my shit, keeps my secrets secret, and she’s cool!

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
i told you, i dig the sex, i mean the sax! (:

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
people who take others for granted.

13. What is your ambition?
to be able to have a job that allows me to have fun and make money (:
in other words, i’d like to be part of events, huge gigs, throw parties, you get my drift.

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
tell me but don’t be a mega bitch about it.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
my family.and friends.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
nope.

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
cool.

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
temperrrrrr. which i might just lose cause i am repeating two tags +_+

19. What makes you different?
i make me different.

20. If you can be any fictional character from any anime, drama or movie, who would it be? why?
why can’t it be me?

People who I wanna tag: you who’s reading this. (: