wtf.

don’t ask me why..
i don’t fucking know.
i don’t have a clue.
i come back at midnight like cinderella sneaks back into her castle or tower.
i don’t leave any clues behind like my glass slipper but he certainly knows how i look like now since he took photos of me. i was willing. no, this isn’t even about him. as cute as he may be. i will blog about him when i feel better. but now i don’t feel like i’m going to feel better. i feel like shit. maybe worse than shit. but then i don’t fucking know how shit feels like, maybe this is one level worse than shit. what the fuck am i rambling on about i have no fucking idea. except that i feel like having a cigarette. yes i finally typed it out right here. yes i am smoking. yes it is detrimental to my health but i still do it. we all do something of the sort so stop looking at me and keeping me on the guilt trip cause you do the fucking same bad shit to yourself except that it may be drinking, gambling, lying, fucking or whatever it is. i don’t give two fucks about that right now. well i also feel like having a drink. maybe i’ll go make myself a drink later because i haven’t had a shot in two weeks and more. and i was supposed to get sloshed last night but i respect the people there, it’s not my bleeding party and i don’t get the right to steal the limelight. in any case i am completely fucked this week. i’ve got a shitload of work that i have procrastinated til this very second where i am blogging to release all this pent up shit that i have up to my skinny neck. yeah i have so much shit to do. and i wish she’d stop burping/farting/releasing air. cause it pisses me off. or at least do it so that i can’t hear it. but i can’t tell her to stop. and i wish to God that i did my chores so that i won’t have this shit on my conscience. even if everything happens for a reason. i feel like this is my shit and now i have to fucking deal with it and i don’t know how to. and i have that many friends but none would understand what the fuck am i going through now. why the hell do i have to deal with this? what did i do? or not do? it can’t be the bloody chores. omg why can’t i just get a smoke now. and i hate her. i hate her for being so fucking pilih kasih. i hate him for talking about my brat of a cousin all the fucking time like he’s all there is to this world. fuck that shit. and he makes all sorts of funny noises and asks the same fucking questions all the time i just want to tell them all to shut the fuck up cause i don’t want to listen to whatever they have to say cause it’s not important. cause it doesn’t make a difference in MY world even though they live in it. and now…….

i just want to hug you and make all this go far far away.

So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
-maroon 5, goodnight goodnight-