我不明白你说什么

Apakah lagi persoalan tentang perasaan yang tidak terhingga?
Saya pasti jikalau, ditanyakan kepada para pembaca, pelbagai jawapan akan ditemui.

Tidak sah lagi, jika prasangka selalu wujud di celah-celah pertalian yang dianggap suci.

i'm just trying to revive a language I no longer practice in my daily life.
I hosted a friend of mine who recently visited from the Netherlands for a weekend.
More than happy to just take her around for food trips and a decent night out, I asked if she would mind visiting 'Glutton's street' in Pudu.
I visit the street myself quite frequently and never had to rely on signage or menus to order my favourite bowl of noodles. But I was stumped when I couldn't explain to my friend what was a certain stall selling, or what drinks were available other than the usual sodas.

I think it was between such moments, that I'm actually thoroughly handicapped.
My friend asked, out of curiosity, why is is that I can converse in Cantonese and a fair bit of Mandarin but not be able to read and write?
Maybe it's a little of a curse for many Malaysians. I know of many peers who are just like myself. But it's not the best possible way to get about when we might visit a place like Taiwan or China, countries that have many bilingual citizens but with many more directions and signs in Chinese.

Maybe my friend had a different perspective (I never did ask her further as to why she brought it up in the first place, I was thoroughly shy of my shortcomings), that her idea of someone who could speak should definitely be able to write and read that particular language. I spotted a slight confusion in her expression, but more than that, I saw disappointment in my flaw.
I couldn't even explain to her properly that i grew up in a household that spoke English, Malay, and Chinese, all properly thrown in sometimes for a good 'rojak'.

I definitely need to get it on an urgent 'to-do' list for Mandarin classes.
there's no words to express my regret for dropping out of my tuition classes when I was in primary school. I remember cooking up all sorts of ridiculous excuses so that I could have a blissful, Chinese-free afternoon. Stomach-ache, fever, flu etc. You name it, I said it.

So my father relented and said okay, you can have it your way but you'll regret it.
Fathers are almost always right (:

Anyway, it's never too late (i hope!) for my regret to be transformed into a slick tongue rattling off maxims like I've always had them in me.

yolked.

i've wandered a little farther this time and forgot about this space of mine.

Singapore was refreshing and squeaky clean. The last time around when I paid a visit to that city, was 3 years ago and spent all of 30 hours. I was there for Maroon 5, a lot of drinks and more hours clocked in for the bus rides than to sightsee.

Now it's a burgeoning concrete jungle. Construction ongoing in many areas, residential and commercial alike. I think i was more irked because of the many laws, you know me best if you know what i'm talking about.
(on a sidenote, i still censor myself here, which is irritating)

Leonard has the patience of a meditating monk (i'm thankful he's grown his hair out)
and listens to my ramblings, something i tend to do when i'm in a new place, awkward 'tourist' sticking out.

one occurrence that happened a few days ago really gave me a reality check, whether I asked for it or not, if it was necessary or otherwise is besides the point here.
I think for as long as I've lived, which isn't such a long time anyway, I've tried to be self-reliant as much as possible. emotional support from my family is quite important and it helps with my dipping confidence.

*vent begins* so when i want to do something, i usually share it with my friends and try to gain some feedback. if it's positive and encouraging, i am grateful. if it's negative, i will question why and rethink my venture.

as much as possible, if i have nothing nice to say, i wouldn't say it. there's no point raining on someone's parade, unless it's constructive criticism. and this is when it is asked for. i would give my opinion, nothing more.

you outdid yourself on an account that wasn't your responsibility. i would appreciate your silence. when it was necessary for you to speak, you chose to keep your lips sealed. i don't want anything to do with someone who doesn't believe in me, i don't want you in my life, sticking your nose where it clearly doesn't belong. how dare you call me 'unambitious'? you do not have the slightest clue what i do with my life. and if that's the case, you are not entitled to your opinion.

i cannot begin to state how angry and silent your callous statement made me.
i spoke about it to my partner and he placed it in a different perspective for me.
that, if someone should feel that i am not ambitious, a family member who is so free with words, surely unknowing of the consequences of the words, then take it as a motivation to be more.

motivation doesn't have to come from something that you like.

so yes, i was absolutely livid, and crushed that my flesh and blood would say that to my face. with no support of evidence or reason. all because i was relating that a friend of mine lives in a very expensive residence, and that i could not bring myself to imagine having a 7 figure balance in my bank book right now.

my youth stretches a distance with my dreams and desires. it doesn't mean if i can't imagine it now, that i would not be able to achieve it.
so thank you, for bringing me down so that i can rise up and in the process, beat you at everything.

you've said that i'm 'lost' for my supposing lack in religion. it's been said one too many times that religion is personal. my relationship, if you would care to ask before shooting your mouth off, with god(s) is private. it's mine. if you're interested, i would explain. just for the simple fact that you are now devout and pious, doesn't give you the right to act as if it's your duty to tell people that they are 'lost'.

i think this is where i say to you, i am disappointed beyond belief.
i don't expect you to be anything to me, nothing to me. as far as i'm concerned now, you and i have all of two things in common, the same last name and the same parents.
\

anyway, i'm just about done with this half-baked draft. i returned more than a week later, my other brother got married today (11/10/11) and my partner had his university convocation.

it's bittersweet. for two men, whom i care about most dearly, have had a chapter opened and a chapter closed. i'm extremely happy and sad. sad because there's an inexplicable sense of separation and distance. marriage doesn't necessarily mean there would be a closer knit in a family, in this instance, I welcome an older 'sister' with all my heart, but I also can't help but to feel that the life as I have known it has been rocked. a slight destabilizing decision, the 'I do' uttered and then we are overwhelmed with physical affection for each other in that happy moment, when we want that fairytale to happen.

perhaps also in this lopsided emotional state, i have mentioned to my parents, who have supported my actions and choices thus far in life, to retract the evil plastic card. to impose upon yours truly, a strict financial no-frills number.
it means, to be truly tight in the pockets of my faded jeans and monochrome tank tops. it's a challenge, i must admit. because i realize i have been just absolutely spoiled. how did this come about? from a distant figure that silhouetted the devil-may-care attitude about the finer things in life, i must have morphed into a grotesque version of wanting it all. i don't know where that came from.
i also don't like it.

here's to counting the pennies, and making way to find a richer substitute than the pleasures that money cannot buy.

i am likely to continue somewhere in this vein because it's all been rather messy.
rather for the opinion of a random passerby, i'd like to look back and remember here, that i once felt such and such an emotion, however fleeting, however deep, with regards to whom it may (or may not) concern, for whatever reason that cannot be described. i think words, they say too much of what we don't intend for them to say. also, i forget, too easily.

i hope i remember enough about Singapore the next time i'm here.

Bridesmaids

I wouldn't pay to watch a rom-com Hollywood slapstick. My partner said we've got free tickets and so we went. It was just embarrassing to watch, I felt excruciating pain for all the ladies in the film. Apparently it's like 'The Hangover' but the female version. Perhaps it's just for note-taking purposes, but i definitely wouldn't want to have the headache of a lifetime before getting married. the female lead did a good job fucking things up for herself, it wasn't necessary for anybody else to dip their sticky fingers in her mess. put 5 women together on a team to throw an awesome party, you end up with a million and one problems, with issues to boot. so lesson learnt. just hire male strippers or elope.

Hanna

I was slightly disappointed with the ending. But Sairose Ronan and Cate Blanchett delivered. It's a film I'd probably not watch again, because there wasn't a really strong message. It was two people trying to kill each other for a mistake that occurred a long time ago. It would have been much more satisfying to have Hanna go on her own way and just live. Genetically modified human beings are always being made out to have less feelings, Sairose embodied that enough to make it believable.

The Rainmaker

Matt Damon. One of his earlier works, he didn't do much running (trivia: just realized it the other day to the common agreement of some friends that Damon does run a fair bit in his later works)
Anyway, The Rainmaker was the struggle between the corporate demons and the do-gooder. The ending was to be expected, and I know I'm probably repeating myself here, but I'm always rooting for Matt Damon. In my books, he could do no wrong. In each role he takes on, I'm cheering him with as much inner fangirl energy as I can muster.
I was a little afraid that he may have to pay for beat the crap out of that wife-beater. But Claire Danes is a damsel in serious distress, I suppose anybody would do the same.

One man against a legion of devils in suits. I'd watch it again for the feel-good factor.

Black Swan

Amidst all the hoo-ha, I caught Black Swan based on my best friend's recommendation. I never did work very well with psycho thrillers, I was creeped out half the time and was struggling to keep myself together throughout the film. I did manage to finish it and I thought the end was fitting. A certain sick obsession was clearly magnified in the story and it served its purpose to portray Portman in a difficult light. The accompanying music was just right, fitting in gaps of silence. The inner maniac snagged a little spot in my heart, a struggle to be perfect. I thought it was magic when she died. A bittersweet surrender when the curtains fall.

No Strings Attached

Natalie Portman is a goddess in Hollywood. She's beautiful and talented.
She blew me away in V for Vendetta and Closer.
I do question if she was really the one for Thor.
And I finally hit a brick wall when I caught her in No String Attached with Ashton Kutcher. It's not working for me, not in the least. Her role as an emotionally unavailable character was painful to watch. This is knowing that she can deliver so much more. I didn't fall for the scenes that pictured her vulnerable and needy.
Maybe she's trying to venture into other genres, buying the crowd favourite of rom-coms. She remains a personal favourite and I wouldn't be so easily swayed by one film.
I do hope her next choices would be mind blowing.

127 Hours

James Franco was more than believable here. There's much to be said about make-up and acting like you're really in pain. He made me believe he was really cutting his arm. I know it's based on a true story and I admire the man who had to go through that intense period of time. Perhaps that's how it feels like to have your world crumble.
My gripe with the film is that it was just too frickin' long. The wait for him to just do the deed was way too long. I almost couldn't wait for the movie to end. I watched it knowing how it was going to end, because clearly interviews with the author had been conducted and we see that he survived the ordeal so obviously in the film, he's going to live as well. I just wanted to get on with it.

I liked how there were scenes for a little peek into hallucinating, illusions etc.
I took one lesson from the film, just leave a note when you go somewhere. It could save a lot more than an arm.

Tron Legacy

i found the show to be just boring. Sure, there were action scenes, an amazing soundtrack, a hot chick, a hero to save the day and a bad guy to boot. That sounds like a recipe for nothing short of amazing. But it fell short of my personal expectations.
I started off optimistic with raving reviews from my friends, but the double body entity, Jekyll and Hyde scenario was rather bland. How did the father live in the alternate reality, surviving his alter ego who wants to kill him? Where do we get hints about the arcade? and what about the father's friend? when the girl goes into the real world, how is she going live? seriously, what the fuck?

thinking about the movie is pissing me off. i'm just gonna say, i don't like it. and i'm never watching it again.

Another Year (2010)

I caught this film more than a month ago. I want to write about it before I forget any more fragments.

I didn't fancy it. There wasn't a real plot. It was an effort to feel some emotion for the characters, but I was bored and I couldn't really sympathize or fall in love, be scared or feel embarrassed. I felt a little bad for the single girl, who was clearly desperate to feel like she belonged somewhere. And definitely, her actions were less than suitable. But the conclusion to the whole plot was less than desirable.
I'm not a sucker for wonderful happily ever afters, or a tragic ending. But this is no cliffhanger and I'm left in between, wondering what was the whole point of the show in the first place. Whose shoes should I fill temporarily? One half of the blissful couple, or the son who is finally hitched? The brother who lost his wife, or the nephew who is a douche? The sad friend who doesn't have a single soul to turn to? Maybe I'm one of those people who really can't relate to a character in this film, but I thought that was the whole point of putting something on the silver screen; that people may connect and understand they aren't the only ones here.

Mambo Jambo

I'm losing the tickle in my throat for a beer. Or any other form of alcohol.

I caught 'Revolver' this afternoon, I knew I had watched it before. The familiar scenes, clipped script and Statham in a comfortable role.
It was nothing particularly memorable, I should now state here that I will not watch it again. Towards the last 15 minutes, I was too distracted surfing the net. No attention was paid to the drawing of curtains. Oh, well.

I watched 'Limitless' last night, I think it's the first time I've seen DeNiro opposite a leading man who said that he'd have to be his bitch. DeNiro, somebody's bitch? In my 20th century mind, DeNiro reigns. He's the boss, period. Otherwise, the story was pretty interesting. I half-hoped that Bradley Cooper would just die and end the story. Instead, it was a happily ever after. That annoyed me a little. If truly such a drug existed, I think I'd be hooked on it too. I really enjoyed the art direction, it was spiffy and not overdone. It seemed like we hallucinated together, the beauty is knowing exactly how it feels like. Some of us do :p

I also watched 'The Adjustment Bureau'. I definitely liked the storyline. This time around, I wanted Matt Damon to fight for the happy ever after. He's a character I think I will always root for, regardless of the cause. You can't help feeling like he needs all the support and love you can give him. I should get the book, it's interesting enough onscreen, i reckon the book can't be worse?
There was nothing too impressive about the cinematography, it was the acting that made it for me (:

Cookie bits

I think it's a good habit to write down what I think about every movie. There's just too many movies I've watched but never really placed my opinion here and then I end up watching them again, which translates to a double waste of my time if the movie was bad, i.e. Troy.

I have also come to realize that I place an enormous amount of faith in IMDB. I trust it's ratings and it's recommendations. I don't question the reviews or the rankings.
Maybe it's just according to the majority and so I take their word for it.
Perhaps they are wrong and I've been misled about it this whole time.

I should just watch what I want to, regardless of the many opinions other people have about a certain film. I'm quite sure there are people who would disagree with my thoughts as well. I would very much welcome a discussion about a film, because then I'd be able to understand better.

In other news, I feel quite neglected. It's probably just the lack of some personal time and I must say, I am quite fond of being taken care of in every aspect. Just lately I don't feel like anything I've done has been reciprocated. Perhaps I'm just a little sensitive about the matter, and I won't say a word about it. truly, it's also quite hard to please me and i'd be disappointed in myself if i were to demand of anything or to place more pressure than as already at hand. i must understand that in order to be happy, i need to sacrifice something. and that i must learn to walk in the shoes of another. for all i know, it could be very depressing to be you.

to myself, a gentle reminder; that there is no obligation from the other party to do anything whatsoever for you. it's a free world and there aren't any strings attached. so move the fuck along and just be happy. your happiness depends on yourself, not on somebody else and what they have to offer. it's a bonus if there's anything more to what it is presently. likewise, don't be a fool and let people take advantage of you.

London Boulevard

Colin Farrell never struck me as an actor to be reckoned with. He was mostly talked about by acquaintances and friends as a sex symbol. I doubt I have ever watched a single movie of his and taken it seriously. London Boulevard was rather boring although I didn't expect Mitch to die. There was a love story, hugely undeveloped. A complicated friendship that ended in death. Some violence, and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

I wasn't particularly convinced about the plot, and the implied gore was quite overdone. I did enjoy the sets and locations. I've always imagined London and their people to be as portrayed. It wasn't really worth my hour and a half.

The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke

I couldn't help but sympathize with Randy. Mickey Rourke did a brilliant job portraying a wrestler who's fallen from grace. It was legitimate enough for me to believe that he truly was trying to make good with everything that went wrong. He was human and made his fair share (or more) of mistakes. There was respect from his peers and colleagues in the industry, long after his time. Regardless of whether it was fake or sincere, it was the only place he ever found some solace in. There's not much said about his past, but clearly there was a broken home with a daughter that he tries to reconnect with. It seemed like there was hope for a reunion at one point but that failed. And along with it, he gave up and never looked back. I loved the hook at the end. The final scene was one of closure, he returned to what he loved best all his life. he gave everything for it and every single ounce of strength to give a good show, to end it all on the stage that gave birth to the fame and faded glory.

The past life that was lived with recklessness and ambition has been reduced to a painful existence, struggling to keep up with the Joneses.
I think a realization really hits home when there are comparisons with age and youth.
Because time is no longer on your side, and a comeback in a competitive field is one that chooses to slowly flay your life.

I liked how Aronofsky made it so that each time Randy tweaked with his hearing aid, there would be an audio blip to mirror it. It was something that I may have previously overlooked but the significance of that singular act was special and it made this film all about Randy.

New York

I've probably caught 20 movies between the last post and today.
Just felt like I had to write something about Gangs of New York.
I can't say that I'm really familiar with films and its various genres. But it's intriguing that someone thought to make a movie out of this book. True, it's a loose adaptation so it's considered an original screenplay. I'm not usually so fired up to find out about the roots of a movie. I felt that there was a particular nitty-gritty fire about the characters and their convictions. I'm not a huge fan of Cameron Diaz and i'm going to try to put that aside while placing my thoughts here.

I'm particularly stunned by Daniel Day-Lewis, hereafter DDL because double-barreled surnames are simply taking up more time than space for me. I don't think I've watched anything he acted in, and after a look up on wikipedia, I understood why. This man hardly acts. Not because he doesn't have the skills or time or talent, but he simply just chooses to do what he wants to do. And reading his profile is a little painful, I must admit. Being in character on AND off set is both admirable and unimaginable.

I couldn't help but to gasp at his list of nominations and accolades for ONE movie. I will make it a point to watch the other films, hopefully when I get better internet speeds or when DVDs are more affordable.

Frankly, I wasn't too sure how the movie would end. It wasn't the sweet ending that Hollywood is most famous for. I'm glad Scorsese delivered a fitting finish. I was sad when the Butcher died, there's no other way around it though. Out of the thousands of people who must have been employed for the film, I wish I had the opportunity to have been a part of it. It amazes me, sweeps me in awe at times when I watch films that requires scores of people, flooding masses of people on the set.

It's too big for me to imagine. Likewise, the subtle themes and underlying messages of this film has escaped me for a little while. I wish I had a better way to phrase my summary of the film. It touched me, it moved me, and I was, for a moment or two, slightly torn between the Butcher and Vallon.

It was as if I had to choose a side, but the difficulty lay in wanting peace to settle down. Peace that never really belonged to New York in 1863 anyway.

Bartender, one more drink, please.

I believe the universe runs the way it should. But today left me dumbfounded and lost for words that encapsulates 24 hours. I was nervous about sorting out my education, i was bored throughout dinner with my family, i was sad when i heard about the death of an acquaintance, i was angry when during a dispute with my partner, and eventually exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster.

Then I watched 'Blue Valentine'. It applies, but to one aspect today. Just the dispute. It gets you thinking, are you bound by the laws of the universe to repeat the mistakes your parents made?

I don't know of the mistakes my parents may have made. To me, they are perfect.
I can only hope to learn from my own errors.

Earlier today, I dialed a familiar number, to reach a voice I used to make love to. I laid out the foundations for a civil conversation, and he reciprocated, with the heaviness of an obliging participant. the awkwardness was subtle and carefully wrapped underneath the small talk we both hate. All I wanted was to ask if he'd return some books to me. I'm still unsure of what I'd do with my hands when the time comes for us to be seated across each other at a coffee table. Most likely to be tweaking with my Blackberry, so as to avoid a moment that I am required to say something nice or something that isn't related to life as I know it now.

I still believe in the universe, and that it will conspire to help you achieve what you want.

summer sweepstakes

Twitter's downsized some of what I'd like to say. It gets too public at times, and then I lose the interest to place a proper sentence in 140 characters. I don't like that I need to squeeze. Maybe it's good training for less words and more depth.

In no way am I going to rant about what I've reaped. I deserved every ounce of it, but I am still sulking on the inside. The fall has done some serious damage to my ego, more importantly my pocket. Also the fact that I've never considered myself a failure.

It's just time to pick up some pieces and get going.

In other news, I'm comfortably alone. It's refreshing, not that I despise company but it's not half as bad as I'd initially thought it would be. Peace.
It would be unhealthy if I had placed physical barriers, but I'm still available.

I also learnt in the past couple of weeks, that travel isn't always so enjoyable. Besides Kevin and I mucking about, Vietnam had little to offer. I'm grateful nothing untoward happened, I was also writing about a few experiences. However I doubt I'd return to Ho Chi Minh.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

distracted by social media and a truckload of interesting sites!
more reason to get a bean bag, drink trolley and mini bar setup in my room (:

maybe the next time around, I wouldn't be so mundane here.

i can hear the words but i can't see the deed. just stop and be still.
i'm disinterested, tired and empty.
stepping out of this case, it will be the same if everything broke apart and turned to dust.

so be it, good night.

dreamcatcher.

Watching the Truman Show for the first time, gave me a little insight.
Not much, but just enough to understand the frayed edges of deception.
It had entertainment value and there will be an essay question based on the movie for my Media Studies paper on Monday. What wouldn't I give to be able to skip this dratted subject? but really, that movie was absolute brilliance. and i'm left wondering if it's even possible to do so. to place someone's life as the reality of how we've always lived. it's cruel and naive to think one wouldn't want to escape. anything's got to be better than what we've known it to be. or even if it isn't better, it's got to be different! isn't that the whole point of living? to be different and to challenge what we already know? we can't already know everything.


i grieve for the Trumans of this world who close the door on the truth.
and i salute the Trumans who bid the audience 'good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night' to find something beyond that wall of clouds.

i read some Kerouac after the movie, and I must say, I want to know what is it like to have some San Francisco blues. Because I haven't tasted anything other than the waters of my own backyard where I can't tell the difference in the texture, the clarity or weight. For all I know, it could have been the same all this while, all waters in all bodies of water. But I need to know that for myself. the major and minor keys, if any at all.

You laugh, scoff, dust and walk away from the dreams I care to share.
Perhaps you're the one who would stand in the way of my jet plane.
I'd welcome you aboard. I just hope you can help me build this ambition, strengthen the hope instead of breaking the light or pulling the brakes.

idiot.

Super bitching post. i need to get this out of my system, PLEASE.

so i think you're really nice and i wouldn't mind being an acquaintance.

but please. what are you? 15? what the fuck is up with lovey dovey posts up on FB?

goddamnit, not everybody needs to proclaim their love every beating moment.
yes you probably think i'm jealous, or just hating on you for no reason.
girl, you just gave me a MAJOR reason to get your face out of my way.
besides, what's the big deal? i love you la, you love me la. come on man.
if you were in a long distance relationship, i totally get it. but hell, you are in each other's faces ALL DAY LONG. honey i believe you need to BREATHE!
i am truly thrilled at your happiness and joy bla bla bla
but you need to get a fucking grip. it's so overly done, it's disgusting.
i feel like throwing up when i come across a photograph or a post.
other people EXIST too! can you not act like you're the only girl in the world?
i actually feel slightly sorry for singletons because i know how amazing it is to be in love but please don't flood the newsfeed with something everyone already knows! it's irritating!

i'd like to see how you'd react if i did the exact same thing.

so back the fuck down and chill out.

allow me to give in.

It's magic, when it happens. There are millions of people in between us, yet when we spoke, it was nameless, without status. i feel humbled and small under your gaze.
but we shared, just what we can, what time would allow in that moment.

the sudden rush of words, the difficulty to grasp accents, the gestures, and mostly we knew that despite the years between us, we found a voice in the other.

we belonged to each other's world, a space reserved for the faceless. even though I could never imagine what sort of life you lead in your plane and vice versa.

I'll summon the courage to speak to you when we meet. I'll keep my fears locked, and immerse my mind in yours. Even if we never cross paths again, I know we existed in that place and time.

i hope that it will be on a train from Pondicherry to Kerala. or whilst sipping a cappucino in Florence. it could be when we've landed at Rio, or drifting along the Mekong. I don't mind sharing the skies of Alexandria, or the seas of Ibiza.

I hope you will feel exactly how I feel now, because it's beyond words where this could take me.

i already know how our souls will spark the fire within us.

something like it.

hello, beautiful. i just felt like that was sort of appropriate, somehow needing to greet you, a repository for all my feelings, where i write at my happiest and lowest.
this is make or break week for me. i'm officially ruined academically if i can't make it through to hand up all my assignments.

yes, and i'm still here because for once, i'm yearning to tell you, that i, i am nothing more than just a mere shadow of the giants that walk next to us but if you'd let me, i would be a little more each passing day.

flip that light on please and thank you.

in the mood to publish.
so yes i will spam the lot of you with a smattering of words and leave.

it's funny to be in love i suppose. but that's not the point of this.
yes, i am happy but what is it really that makes one gets those butterflies on the inside? what gets you giddy with excitement and have you laughing at conversations that strangers would just raise an eyebrow at because they don't understand a single word that you're saying to each other anyway?

i don't know. all i'm faced with now is the feeling that this might just end in a disaster that i may have single-handedly created for myself. i'm great at sabotage, i should just be led into a 4x4 cell to sit there for life and to cause no further damage to myself.

but i need to count my numerous blessings this year. '11 has been absolutely smashing. nothing has been fucked up, either by myself or someone else.
my family is nothing short of a daily miracle, taking my shit like no one else would. beautiful friends who are there, amazing creatures in their own right. and as i found out yesterday, i also have some saints for lecturers. i have always believed teachers were the truly noble ones (my mother included, she's a gem) and i don't even deserve it but my INT teacher has been nothing but kind to me. she doesn't even get anything out of it but i will never, ever take her or anyone of them for granted again. i was completely honest with her, and didn't see the point in lying anyway. getting back in the groove of university means i will hopefully lose the wanderlust that is in me. in fact, she's right, spot on. everyone needs someone like her.

i might have spoken too soon, but hell i'd rather say it now and have it craved in granite than to have just let this slip my thoughts like sand would leave your hands. i am also tasting an incredible love that just feels right in every way. there's no equal to what he is to me at this moment. perhaps it's also incredibly unfair of me to compare, but what else is there for me to draw a chart to?
call it cheesy, a phase, the honeymoon period, whatever you can think of.
but i'm having a little glimpse of happiness, so insatiable but so fulfilling.
it might not last, it might just dissipate and evaporate into complete darkness, but while i have all of these in my life now, i will make every inch of it mine.

i hope you'll never live to say that it's been a regret knowing me because only the universe knows what words cannot even begin to explain what each one of you means to me at this point of time in my life.

all this traveling has done a little to chip off some of me every time. soon i'll be left with less than me, and more of everyone, just the way i'd always hoped it would be.

This solitude I feel inside
is a feeling that just passes by with time
and i'm not sure if you know
what really does on down below
even if you tried
it wouldn't feel alike
just the feeling that come and goes
i'd really wish you'd take the time to show
these bleeding lights
are more than just a circus show
i need to know
more than i ever did before
about the certain spaces in your heart
because it's all that you've got left to blow

i'm not the girl that was left before
she took a hit and she was gone
a screaming sign and a full moon rose
she's all i've got, even if it's not for long
i've got the beat she's got the groove
let's do this right let's take the dance
if it's over now then so be it
at least we can say that was quite a show
come on over it won't be long
til we knock it out and turn it down
i'm all about the rush tonight
just hold on tight and enjoy the ride

it's almost tender when we touch
but hold on still i can still feel you within
there's more to come
you just need a hit
and once we're done you'll feel the beat

it's almost like a drug
i think we're hitting the roof
but nothing feels like the first time
i guess that's when i crashed

i want to share all my hopes and fears
maybe for the memories, maybe for the melodies
still it's not quite the same
it won't feel out of place
but you know just as well as i do
we'll have the rest of our misery

unspoken unwritten
a symphony a legacy
a movie, even a story
these are just words aren't they?
remotely said and thrust in all ways
just simple words
until we give them meanings

on a late Wednesday night, by the park, nothing more than just your mind.

2011

It's been a while since I last published anything in here.
Twitter usually does a lot of random thought postings for me, but given that I have to cram my words in 140 characters, it's all over the damn place.

I was away in Laos for a week, and it was just too short of a time for me.
I had a great time & for more information and photos, just ask me or check it out on Facebook. I'm in the midst of getting psyched for Cambodia which is happening in 50 days :D

In other news, university is also a part of my life now. I have enrolled in a number of units for this semester and it looks like i'm finally able to read for fun & work (:

I also realized a few days ago, that i've always felt that this was still the month of January when we are already almost done with the first week of March as I'm typing this. I have been really out of it with all the partying and must absolutely get it together sigh.

One Step Closer to the Maxis Om Nom Nom Race

Nothing really comes close to a spread like this (:

This is a dream come true!
Why would ANYONE turn down a fantastic offer to travel (albeit, locally!) AND eat at the same time?!
There's talk that I practice a diet to keep a certain weight, but believe me when I say that nothing will come in between me and some delicious noodles! :D
Don't be fooled by my skinny jeans, I'm a hardcore food lover!
There are times I would dream of dim sum, wan tan mee, satay celup and my absolute favourite, nasi lemak! Some friends of mine and I would come up with foodie trips and they can start off early in the day, chomping down all the way til sunset :D :D :D



Steamed lala clams in a spicy sweet sauce

KL is awesome for food and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be!
Forget fish & chips or steaks, I'm going to stick by to the Malaysian authentic dishes (:
The prizes offered by Maxis and HTC are amazing!
The opportunity to win an all expenses paid trip to Hong Kong with 5 star accommodation is even more exciting!



Strawberry pavlova!

The Maxis Om Nom Nom race is also made easier for participants to find the food spots with the help of the iPhone 4, the Finder301 application (for whatever you may be looking for!) and Wireless Broadband, all made available by Maxis!
Click on the links below to find out more about Maxis Wireless Plans and the Finder301 application for your convenience!

http://www.maxis.com.my/personal/broadband/wireless_allplans.asp
http://itunes.apple.com/my/app/maxis-finder301/id375530216?mt=8#

#6

the glistening surface of egg.

#5

random giraffe statues at PixelPost.

#4

my neighbour's desk. his ad scripts are always so funny, makes me wish I was funny.

#3

venison, cooked with ginger and spring onion.
lettuce, garlic & salt only.

everyday dishes. either for lunch or dinner.

#2

it's been 7 years. i speak English, she speaks Mandarin. language isn't a barrier. that's what sisters are for.

#1

Aglio Olio at Delicious. I need the beef bacon (;