cold water

i feel empty now.
it could be relief
it could be sadness
but i really couldn’t hold it in any longer.

i know it’s meaningless to apologize.

maybe you might understand from my perspective, one day.
i still love you, okay?
and i’m right here.

it’s hard for the words to come out right.

here’s to a happy new year, with drunken fights and pimpin’ in town
and no, i’m not happy right now.
maybe on the 31st.
i’m looking forward to being with people that actually get me.
two days to a clean sheet.
anticipation is the key.

i miss.you.

if ever was a christmas i didn’t fancy, it’d be this one.

this x’mas stinks.
well, part of it la..
the only thing that was worth remembering is meeting hot people
or rather, it’s the only thing i do remember =)
okay that’s not a good thing but whatever la.
it’s damn sien.
never thought i’d get bored of this holiday season.
but we’re trippin’ over our own presents. which are unopened.
+_+
2007 REALLY SUCKS. no shit.
and i don’t know how to react when it seems like my parents got another girl.
you know me.
i can’t fucking share.
i don’t WANT to.
sue me.
but i resent her.

and God forbid another x’mas party next year.
i will keel over and just wither away.
or rather, i’d be irresponsible and wash my hands of it.
isn’t that what my siblings are doing anyway?
life is so bleeding unfair sometimes.
tip the scales over here a little, will you?
why should i give two hoots about something that ISN’T going to benefit me?
i don’t even know why she’s so worked up about it.
dude, you’re losing sleep over something that’s supposed to be happy and shit.
all this crap about the smallest issues. seriously.
there are better things to discuss than such trivial matters.

but i am happy with my new find, indeed i am.

happy boxing day people. i will go and find myself some lunch now.
btw, i love nigellas. *hint hint*

is there anything i can do?

no there isn’t
the world wide web belongs to the public
i can’t discriminate and tell people what to do

on the other hand i can choose to deny
i never saw it
it’s none of my beeswax
i don’t give a damn?

yes yes whatever i tell you
it’s a lie
would that teach you to never believe me?

being pissy has a few reasons
a prisoner in my own home
what can i say?
pms doesn’t just wreck ur stomach
it screws with ur brain as well.

i’d still say this is the best time ever since june/july
but i still can’t wait for 07 to be over
even if i’m set to have an awesome time this coming week.

things to be remembered
things to be forgotten
07 really did fly me by

i lived on my own for a while
found some true friends
ditched some fair weathered ones
travelled quite a lot
gave in to my vices
became part of history to a few people
i broke your strength and then mine.
i loved, lost, hated, liked, grieved, cried, laughed, smiled, drank, burned, gained, ached, danced, indulged like tomorrow wouldn’t come.
i might forget your name, but i won’t forget your face.

am i cruel as you say?
am i wrong in my way?
-richard walters, “what weighs me down”-

growling stomachs

i am not going to ipoh after all
this is so pissing off, really.
first i am going.
then i am not.
then i am.
then i am not.
i even quit work early to have a day away from KL
why GOD whyyyyyyy!

sigh
not like nothing good is happening
i think tmw’s plan shld include meeting up with PK
and just chilling
maybe i might see mal for a bit
it just came to me, at one am to call anyone who’s around that area to chill.
=)
better late than never!

funny how much i miss working.
i think i miss the company.
not the bleeding customers.
i swear, i rant about them all day long.
and i whine, whine, whineeee
i get sick of myself occasionally =D

oh and i figured out why the heck am i not growing at all.
it’s cause everytime i eat, i get hungry again an hour later.
takkan la i want to eat every hour right?
i’ll get tired from munching, gobbling and chewing! +_+
okay i know it’s ridiculous
but seriously
i can’t afford to put on any weight now!
i just bought three pairs of levi’s!
and there’s no room for anything except maybe a bit of butt =p
i’ll get to work on that ASAP!

this memory came back to me.
i was nervous.
it was my first coffee date with him after all.
i wasn’t ready, fussing with my hair and baby tee.
flicking my lashes with some borrowed mascara.
*beep*
my phone rings, he just arrived.
i hurriedly lock the door and try my best to look presentable.
he’s right there with an umbrella to shade me from the night-time rain
i think it’s got to be the sweetest thing
never had that before.
with a late dinner and coffee lined up, smooth sailing as the sea.

to be honest, i still feel like i wasn’t prepared to be back on the field then.
and from what i’ve heard, i’m glad for that one time
even if i had every ounce of his attention on me that night
it’s best that we are now just what we are.

no regrets.

ipoh mali

here i come! =)
thanks to *juinnik*
seriously if he didn’t call me
i’d be just chilling in KL this whole week being sien while peanuts have a reunion without me!
blehh
i’m going to be there!
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

chilling out with the parentals aren’t too bad after all
i do love them, really.

on another note, don’t ask me why
but have you ever seen a sad baby?
i think all babies are generally happy and hyper and smiley
the list goes on
but what about emo babies?
do you think there could be any sad kids?
i feel so kesian when i think about that y’know
call me random, sien, or just too damn free la
but emo babies are such a sad thought!

goodness
i think i need some j.d please.

when my mind goes *poof*

there is absolutely no friggin way this is happening to me
seriously
does anybody have any idea how bleeding small this world can be?
i, for one, DON’T!
macam sial
call me idiotic
blabber
whatever
i don’t care
how the dings was i supposed to know she knew him as well?!
what am i supposed to do now?
pray tell…..

yes yes it’s my own darn fault for falling
but…
well there really is no justification for my actions
so i’m gonna close topic
and move on

laundry was fun tonight
met people
people
and then some that i’d rather not say
oh what the heck
damn kau jinjang lor
seriously, u have absolutely got to be shitting me
i never thought places and people as such even EXISTED
call me OTT
but honest to goodness
i am completely baffled by it all
overwhelmed, shall we say?

in fact there’s just way to much on my mind right now
i can’t even separate the incidents properly
indigestion, you read me?

Please la God
why now?
why him?
why this?

answers please!

p/s: i’m starving

p.p.s: j-man don’t buy the damn hedgehog! +_+

you got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling

i feel that clumsy sometimes around you
i don’t know if that’s how i still am
can’t tell
in fact i don’t even know if i’m in love with you

but i can definitely say that i’m missing you like crazy
and i do sayang you

don’t ask me why am i coming up with this all of a sudden
i don’t know either
=/

across the universe is a MUST-WATCH i say
omg, jim sturgess is such hot stuff i need a towel to dry off
absolutely loved it!
besides that, i want to go to Pavilion again
love the x’mas deco!

hmm, what else am i happy about eh?
tak ingat la now

i love my lovelies! =)
*mwah!

i am absolutely brimming with happiness
i swear, you can see me glowing!
like literally!
hahaha

i saw carmen and respective other half today, ming hao
its kinda weird
it’s such a small small world
his mom is good friends with my mom
and here he is, dating my other mummy
not that i’m not happy for them
i swear we have not changed one bit from cbn days
and meeting rubini and devini last week
“OMG” all together now
that’s like the first thing we’d say
thinking back i used to split up those 20 minute breaks
5minutes for the malays, 5minutes for the chinese, 5 minutes for the indians and the remaining 5 minutes just to mingle with prefects and my own friends
don’t get me wrong
i’m not being racist
but that’s how i remember it to be
and it was just so free and easy
siiiiiiiiiiiigh

and i’ve had a string of compliments
yes it does sounds damn bleeding perasan
i get all the”omg shit u damn skinny” and etc all the time
man, a girl’s gotta get some good shit sometime right? =)
“the only way i can’t recognize you is if you got even more gorgeous since the last time i saw you”
omg, *melts*
i know it’s damn over la
but stilll
it’s coming from he who liked me back when i was so into uber baggy jeans and huge ass shoes
*shudders* shit man i hate reminiscing alone
but yeah…
and i met rajeev of d’arranged marriage
man, he came in Levi’s wanting to buy jeans
and ends up talking to me abt his show
hahhahaha
“btw, are u interested in acting?”
OMG i was speechless
not like i got a part in his one-man show anyways
who wants to join me for this comedy? =)
cheapest tickets are going for 53RM

other than that
i have a friend who’s getting engaged
omg, she’s only 20 +_+
but yes i am very happy for her
to the point i think i almost teared
=)

i’m definitely looking forward to a peanutty reunion
and x’mas is on it’s way
and i’m done with my job (well, almost)
and i love you.
you should know that.

btw, across the universe was just so awesomeomgineedtowatchjimsturgessagain

will update soon
*mwahhhhhhh!
<3

guinness is good (=

i’ve been looking forward to some kawan time
and i had part of that today
joe, j-man, mal, even aizad was there
and definitely good seeing sandy
plus the stout of course hahahhaa

it’s been tanni-night(s) for me
and i do miss the alcohol

yes yes i know it’s damn weird coming from me
but at least i laid off the booze for quite some time!

anyways, this week is when the people decide to finally come back
and thanks so much juenee!
it was lovely seeing you and jiun =)
we MUST MUST hang out real soon okay?

will try to blog more
it’s tough when u don’t have the damn time!

xoxo!