there's a new slate for you

so i'm jumping on this, this little boat that could sink at anytime
i know it will give way in time
but i'm still in it.
that shows something, doesn't it? *hint: commitment*

i like him enough to try
but i don't like him that much to stop the little side dishes that come along
call me a two-timing bitch if you must, but i've done this for quite some time now, it's like an addiction.
his friend, one of the "macho guys" in the previous post, has a lot more to offer than what this is, at least for now. and after the super long conversation we had yesterday, yes we talked while the sun was still in sight, til it set and long after it was starry outside. he gets me, i get him. it's cool, it rocks my socks. if i'm not careful, i might just like him too much. ;)

boy, i hope you prove me wrong.
either way, i can't regret this.
or maybe it was meant to happen lah.
*shrugs*

but i have bigger news than hooking up with him and staring into his friend's eyes.
all under the same roof, mind you. *in his words, "not bad, not bad at all"* hahahhahahahha
what is really funny is that, some people still believe in "love at first sight"
dude, that's just FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
i mean, don't make me break some ribs here okay. i laughed so hard yesterday when i found out, i mean all this shit happened yesterday, in the span of less than 12 hours, that's half a day for you. what the fuck is wrong with everyone, man? come on lah, this isn't funny anymore.
heck it was never funny.
i already feel exhausted from smoking up and walking here and there the entire day, this does not have to be included in the itinerary.

first of all, we just met. it was nice meeting you, really. i think you're a nice person, although i use 'nice' for people i don't know. whatever that means. but seriously, did you really think i was going to fall for you through conversations about our upcoming birthday parties, and how to get water running at the kitchen sink, and some random things i said about sending me home?

woahhh, slow it down right there.

i was interested in having a joint birthday with you, only because it'd mean that our friends don't have to run up and down opposite sides of town to toast us to many more drunken nights and get knocked out somewhere in the middle. here it comes, "WAS INTERESTED".
dude, after that stunt you pulled last night, i'm even scared to be in the same space alone with you. no offense, all sorts of worst case scenarios came blazing into my head right after you dropped winston off and i was just like wtf, gripping my jeans with sweaty palms like my life depended on it. i am, however, very thankful that you came back, kept to your promise to hang out with all of us etc and in the end, got me home in one piece. but really, i did not do a single thing to make you fall for me, or to indicate that i've got the hots for you.

please lah.
i don't do this, by this i mean the "love at first sight" crap, never have, never will. "lust at first sight", now that's another story for another day ;)

perhaps i should just have gotten the hints when you offered me a puff right to my lips, and when you literally had the lollipop in my face, asking why i don't want it? *er, because i don't share lollipops with strangers, i know there were three other's candy that i shared, but that's cause they are people i have known for at least a month, therefore ruling out any romantic links except for him*, and when you had your chin on my head, and i was actually about to reach up to touch your face when i realized this isn't my guy! O.O wtf. who else is getting so comfy with me! and asking me to go out to get cigarettes with you *thank GOD for whoever it was that told him to go with you, and if i saw correctly, although i was staring a little too much at "macho guy", i could see you had a tu lan face @_@ why is that? cause he's leaning against me, all sweaty and truly, that was a compromising position. playing with my hair, my hands on his chest etc. sorry if it got you all worked up. but really, it's pretty hilarious lah. AND ANNOYING OKAY. +_+

oh the funniest part, is that you talked with him and later to him as well, about me! wow. wtf man. what i heard was that you thought you had a shot, you thought it was meant to be, love at first sight *omg not that line again!!* and that i was showing similar reciprocation *wtf man! i did no such nonsense* and that you're sorry, you didn't know he and i go back awhile now, etc. teng, i never had such a fuss made over me, it's quite over the top, even exciting to some certain extent. but i can do without the excess drama alright? what with them telling me their emo stories after me talking to him about MY emo shit about what happened a fucking year ago @_@

all in all, i think i had a good time yesterday, heck i was there not knowing what the fuck was going on *shrugs* and then smoking up, and to mcd's, and back and then 11 people being too cramped in one room, so some talk about moving the meeting to another place. hereby we stuffed 5 people in one car, the rest walked.
11 people, nice party we got going.

we smoked even more there, and they tripped, "love at first sight" came by later again.
i got several calls, i lost all track of time, but honestly, i didn't even know what the fuck was going, what with everyone going in and out of the rooms, "people, you gotta come for a while to the other room, wtf are you guys doing here? come on let's go", i probably heard that line like a hundred times. hahahaha

and so i slip in for a few minutes, and go out again. damn, there's no way i am going to stay in a room full of guys waiting to topple over the edge. i am not that free okay. besides they tripped around 7.30 ish i think, the few of us who didn't trip, talked and talked and talked. i was surprised people could emo talk while tripping. i think i'm just glad he didn't trip. i don't know where some went half the time. so mostly it was just a three.

and some funny things happened, besides the whole drama thing.
a friend just started digging his fingers into my thigh and i was like wtf is going on
if i didn't know any better, *and i did!* i would have thought he thinks i'm his girlfriend which i don't know disappeared to where. so very firmly, i placed his hand back to where it should be, with him.she was like, wtf he thinks you're the gf. and we all laugh but seriously don't get funny with me, i'm utterly without morals or boundaries. i go where lust may take me. hahahahahhaa

i also told g that actually there are other people in the picture, cause she asked what's going between us now, and then i had a weird look on my face cause there ARE other people and apparently she heard about it and at that moment, honestly, it's like someone shot my foot caus e all i could say was like ooohmgawdddd oh sheeeetttttt! @_@ yeah that wasn't so great since the rest were trippin. whatever. still remains a fact, that it's not going to be over this easily.


oh and i was kinda stoned when i wrote this, we were ooh-ing and aah-ing over my two sentences, which is kinda fun lah (:

twenty four suns cut across the skies
free twists for the merry go round
he hits you, with no reason
the retaliation cuts your wrists

in short it means, the timespan of 24 suns have passed by
and during that time you have lived happily
but then he hits you, with no reason
and for this it brings you back to reality where pain actually does exist.
you retaliate and that brings more pain than when he hit you.
does it make sense?

when i wrote that, it took me awhile to get my words straight.
i wrote other stuff, but it doesn't make sense anymore. hahaha

lying on that messed up bed,
the fan above that doesn't quite work properly,
all of a sudden you apologize,
and tell me to give you a chance.
you want to prove that you're worth committing to
i hesitate, i know.
someone just walked in, they mumble and walk out again.
i just had some heart to heart with someone else while you tripped.
could i do this? i said it before,
i can't split myself into two.
so the conversation moves out to the living room,
in between talking with other people who
snigger and throw sly glances my way,
i insist, i didn't do anything. (:
still, it proves irresistible to tease me.
i give in.
i tell g what went on, but if anything, i'm impressed
he's good at hiding what he feels

funny how it seeps into your dreams
of what could be.
would that replace what you want in real life?
i'd like to take a shot with him
if only our timing wasn't so bloody horrible
i wouldn't say we are a match made in heaven etc
but it certainly does look like i have found another halve of me
and that's pretty interesting
oh what do i do now that i've chosen my cake
i can't reorder, or exchange
maybe i should weigh my options
when i've gone further down this path

p/s: this took me 2 and a half hours to type. fuck.