telur mata

i like being a girl, it gives me tons of benefits
i get parking spaces in a crowded lot in a heartbeat because i smile and wave
people let me cut in their lanes on the road because i wear eyeliner
if i accidentally bump into someone pretty hard, i'm instantly forgiven because it's never my fault
security guards are also a lot more lax on identification because i ask what they had for dinner

but i also hate being a girl because of that time of the month
i drive myself crazy, i'm a walking disaster waiting to strike the next innocent victim.
by now, he can always tell when it's "on the way" because i'm extra extra difficult with a pickle on top.

i blame my hormones for fucking me up for at least 3 days of each and every month of my life from puberty til i hit the drought and there goes my ability to satisfy my lover
i am a volcano ready to erupt *pun not intended* whenever i ride the red wave

sometimes i wonder if this is what i really want in life
i feel so obligated and tied
yet so comfortable
i struggle to find a little niche to let go and sink in

i wonder if i have just settled and not asked for more
what if this is just all i'm getting?
shouldn't i ask for more?

i think this is just my hormones talking, like they do every month.

no surprises here.

p/s: if you have to say it to prove it, then i guess it wasn't worth it anyway.

red, soft and yummy

appreciate what you have,
when it's out of your reach and gone with the wind
it'll be too late to get it back
the seed of doubt was planted in the darkest corner
in a moment of impulse
it still has every opportunity to set in roots for growth
all it takes is a reason



it's 2.47am in the morning and my stomach begs to be filled with something, anything. i'm a little glued to "ten items or less", not quite paying my full attention. my mind wanders off between my abdomen, the tv and somewhere else. i think about the strawberries i saw in the fridge the other day, my dad bought a big plastic boxful. they looked juicy and good enough to eat :P now, imagine my surprise when i saw only three succulent ones left. oh screw this, better to have had a taste than to not have it at all. i sprinkle more than enough sugar necessary on them. i mess around, the sugar turns a slight pink from the deep red of the fruit. i take one and sink my teeth into the soft flesh, sweet and a slight sour taste like all strawberries. people who tell you that strawberries are sweet are Pinocchios! it's the sugar that reels that taste in. it's cold and completely rich in flavourrrrrrrrrr. i finish all three in a matter of minutes, too soon. i wish i lingered on each bite just a little longer. in between them i swipe some tinged sugar and licked them off my fingers just because i can taste a little strawberry with quite a lot of sugar. the heads with tiny green leaves sticking out of them look a little lonely without their bodies, but somehow that's okay. being incomplete isn't too bad.

two streets away

crows pecking a kitten's carcass on a hazy day
where's my BB gun?

she's forever stuck in some rut. dig away.

it's a sugar bomb

i don't say it as often i used to.

and i am expressive, to say the least.

start-up

she fell out of the wrong side of bed even if she had a bolster
she rolls over and hits the floor in a short instance
but she doesn't realize it and continues dreaming

it's a thud that wakes her father up, so he picks her up and puts her back in bed
the pillow always covers her face, like there's no room for breathing space
but it's comfortable.
sometimes it gets cold, but she hates blankets and kicks them away in a nightmare
she's a strange child

it's an obsession they inherit

money.

i admit it, i spend all my money on food, petrol and certain indulgences
therefore i am broke half the time, nothing left over that would suffice to buy clothes, bags, accessories and the list goes on.
but it's not so bad.
what i REALLY don't get is how is that people complain they are broke and can still have dinner at fancy smancy restaurants, not to mention it's also a favourite past time to check out sales at various locations and PRETEND, oh i'm poor therefore i shop during the sale

dude, if you're POOR, you wouldn't have food on the table 5 times daily, a roof over your head and clothes on your back. so shut the fuck up about how poor you are and how miserable your life is.
this is COMPLETE BULLSHIT
i swear, that's one face I'd love to slap.

it's unbelievably irritating

anyhoo, don't mistake my honesty for cynicism
and mostly i do know that these idiots will realize with time, material goods are just that. material.

happy shopping people! :D

weather forecast: lovely sunny days ahead, it's been gorgeous weather on this plane.

on the home front, it's dismal at times but krispy kreme is here to save the day.
behold! sugar!
and i wish you'd just tell me what the fuck is wrong
i second guess and triple guess and you're so stressed out and i read what you write and it's your personal life and all that but you're really making it difficult for me to be your friend.
so just get it out of your system already.

i need to do something this week. something new.

i got owned.

there's still so much we never knew about each other
weird.
but now we do (:
scrumptious sup kambing

i guess it holds true, you can't know someone inside out, not even if you've spent a lifetime together.


:S
i shall not let it go to the dark place. it does not exist. it's all in my head. all the monsters, yes some people actually look like monsters, their souls are tainted and Medusa is their idol.

i validate my own existence.

the cheese is the bait

"Here's the litmus test - if it will upset the other party when they find out, I think it's considered cheating. So if you have to hide it, you shouldn't do it. no excuses whatsoever."


it's a lesson some of us skipped.

black and gold

when you find you, come back to me.

i'm lost, wearing a mask in the city i don't quite know.

better than i used to be, stronger than you think i am
i'm a layer cake*


“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

— Bob Marley

riddle my fiddle

she has it in for me and love-starved
it's a strainer, coffee only please
magic numbers on the digital clock
neon-like and weak in the dark

it's estranged, you shouldn't do it like this

impatience is the root of all human error
it rings so true, in every action and every decision i have ever made in haste
if i had just waited, stopped to think, made a little more room.

i want a deeper conversation.

take two

we were in ampang today
went by the place where he used to live
i drove up with my car
and everything was almost like a replica in that time frame
it's occupied for the time being by someone else

it was where it all started a year ago
i went over for a family dinner
and i remember it like it was yesterday
in all my nervousness, i was just glad that there were other guests as well

honestly i will save up money and buy that place for ourselves
it has a beautiful view and too many memories to leave behind

i don't want to forget what happened, so bear with my corny words and cheesy lines la ok? (:

the best is yet to come.

it's one year today
i thought we were Time, ever changing, never stopping
and that stays true of us no matter what has happened

so close to ending it all, so near to the edge at one point (two months ago)
but we pulled through
the past is the past, the present is now and the future is unknown
and so we live for tomorrow and not yesterday.

it's a test, life's a fucking game we play everyday
but life can't stop the people who have a passion that overwhelms even ourselves at times
the flame flickered in vain, with nothing but a tiny glimmer of hope
and it burns today with such intensity

a relationship is as strong as the people who are in it
i find it incredible that he's my equal in so many ways
i understand why the trust is so hard to form between us
because if one was lesser than the other
it would just mean that there is no challenge
and we do have a little competition, and that's the drive i crave
i sought after it and honestly everyone else was just one big disappointment

i can't imagine being with someone who's incapable of understanding my personality
as so many of my past mistakes have proven
there is still much to learn, and i am willing.


i am as such, any change should come from within
not from the lips of another person who wants me to be someone else

to you, who tried to break this bond
to you, who have cheered us along
to you, who love and hate us for who we are and what we symbolize in your life
everyone played a role in this
for better or for worse

we didn't quite celebrate it, he was sick and his family was around
there was a family dinner, amidst some tension in the air
it's always the best when it's just the two of us
i'm going to burn him a CD
all those songs that were mind fucks a year ago til today (:

there's also a long running argument between us that the anniversary should be on the 5th instead of the 4th because the number sounds better and trust me, this is definitely not me +_+
in any case i got my way, as usual and it is the 4th :P



happy anniversary yang
i love you
cheers (: