i could hardly stand up in the shower yesterday.
i wanted to roll up in a big fat thick cotton comforter in the studio and just curl up next to him and sleep.
but no, i was at home, almost melting from the shower temperature that is wonky and HOT in this unrealistic weather. the heat was unbearable. and i just wanted to curl up next to him, because i can.
doing chores is quite impossible. you feel the gooey, warm texture squirt right out of you when you sneeze or cough, or it happens even when you're sitting down watching a stallone/stone combo of "the specialist" which imho, is not such a great movie. lame-o.
but i digress, back to the monthly depressing days that come and go.
i feel more emo, more horny, more depressed, more hungry, more agitated when periods are here.
the need to shower more than thrice a day, arises.
i mean, who the hell showers more than twice a day?
i could run out of underwear!! @_@ *GASP!*
but i have a bagful of hershey's kisses, classic milk chocolate to keep me intact.
i was so moody two days ago, that i wanted to throw dr.spaceman out.
i can't do that, he's our baby!
but at that point of time, it's constant cry for attention, food, warmth and some cuddling eroded all my sympathetic and motherly affections.
blame it on the red waves.
18.9.08
this smells of piss.
he's all i think about, really.
4 days and counting.
i have 3 midterm papers coming up next week,
one after the other.
my classes are interesting now that i've broken out of my anti-social bubble.
sometimes i long for some intelligent interaction
and usually i space out on my own, just reading, copying notes etc.
daily observations leads to some really stupid finds
some romance budding, a few smart ones here and there and of course, some arrogant knobheads who decide to be in a clique and form some sort of "cool gang". oh fuck off please.
i ally myself with two or three others who are pretty alright in my books.
we are almost always on the same page, and there's respect right in front of the line.
life is sometimes THAT simple, you don't need to fuck it up with extra shit like people who think they are the SHIT. go suck on a dick.
the main issue of the day remains with my group leader who can't seem to get it around his head that he can actually be WRONG
omg, it would mean the end of the world, WW III and all sorts of catastrophic disasters that would happen if he was ACTUALLY WRONG in any argument or debate
fuck man.
why the fuck do i always end up with such amazing groupies
i've been complaining about him NON-STOP
and everyone who's heard about my misfortune sympathizes and wish they could kill him on my behalf. why, thank you but no thanks. i don't want you guys to go to jail just because he annoys me. i can take it. i can handle it. *takes DEEEEEEEP breaths*
just a month to go, that's all (puts on fake wide smile)
to top it all off, there are some assholes who annoy the shit out of me
today in poli sci, some guy decides to prove a point.
so off the starting line he goes and he proceeds to beat around the fucking bush
what the fuck!
so i ask him, so what's your point exactly?
well the problem doesn't exactly have a solution
therefore i don't understand why the hell did he bring it up in the first place
seriously man.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
SIEVE THOSE WORDS.
CENSOR THE SENTENCES BEFORE IT BECOMES VERBAL FUCKING DIARRHEA!
god, i can be a full-time bitch just bitching about them.
i mean, this whole blog could be dedicated to the bunch of dunderheads i have to put up with every fucking day.
it should be entitled, SWEAR, instead of speak.
stompthoseheels, in lieu of peeptoeheels.
you see, the deal here is that everyone has their opinion
and i stand by "to each his own".
what i DON'T get is when you try to force YOUR opinion down MY throat.
patience is indeed a rare virtue.
and i respect you as a person to not fuck you up in public or in your face.
just fucking grow up because it's crystal clear that you have NO clue of how to be socially accepted.
i'm not incredibly smart, but in the midst of all these people
i feel like i'm Einstein.
and the only time i've ever felt that way is.... well let's see, NEVER!
so imagine my disappointment when my circle of friends have always been so much more smarter than i can ever hope to be and suddenly i am thrown into the heart of a bunch of idiots who think they are so fucking smart but who are actually stupider than *I* am
now that, is really saying something.
this comes across as condescending, but i can find no other way to put it because they refuse to listen, refuse to compromise and just act like they know everything.
i keep my mouth shut if i don't know anything because i don't want to appear ignorant or stupid which is, imho, the best way to learn.
fuck you la, you honestly think you're so goddamn smart, why don't you go and apply for some top-notch uni or get hired already?
why do u bother coming to class when you're already a genius in your own right?
don't stand in my way of gaining knowledge.
and if i hear, just one strand of gossip concerning me, you are going to pay for it.
a friend of mine told off this girl for talking behind her back. i admire her for her guts.
i don't think i am capable of telling people in their faces. but there's one person who might just get a taste of their own medicine.
all this drama.... screw you. the whole lot of you.
4 days and counting.
i have 3 midterm papers coming up next week,
one after the other.
my classes are interesting now that i've broken out of my anti-social bubble.
sometimes i long for some intelligent interaction
and usually i space out on my own, just reading, copying notes etc.
daily observations leads to some really stupid finds
some romance budding, a few smart ones here and there and of course, some arrogant knobheads who decide to be in a clique and form some sort of "cool gang". oh fuck off please.
i ally myself with two or three others who are pretty alright in my books.
we are almost always on the same page, and there's respect right in front of the line.
life is sometimes THAT simple, you don't need to fuck it up with extra shit like people who think they are the SHIT. go suck on a dick.
the main issue of the day remains with my group leader who can't seem to get it around his head that he can actually be WRONG
omg, it would mean the end of the world, WW III and all sorts of catastrophic disasters that would happen if he was ACTUALLY WRONG in any argument or debate
fuck man.
why the fuck do i always end up with such amazing groupies
i've been complaining about him NON-STOP
and everyone who's heard about my misfortune sympathizes and wish they could kill him on my behalf. why, thank you but no thanks. i don't want you guys to go to jail just because he annoys me. i can take it. i can handle it. *takes DEEEEEEEP breaths*
just a month to go, that's all (puts on fake wide smile)
to top it all off, there are some assholes who annoy the shit out of me
today in poli sci, some guy decides to prove a point.
so off the starting line he goes and he proceeds to beat around the fucking bush
what the fuck!
so i ask him, so what's your point exactly?
well the problem doesn't exactly have a solution
therefore i don't understand why the hell did he bring it up in the first place
seriously man.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
SIEVE THOSE WORDS.
CENSOR THE SENTENCES BEFORE IT BECOMES VERBAL FUCKING DIARRHEA!
god, i can be a full-time bitch just bitching about them.
i mean, this whole blog could be dedicated to the bunch of dunderheads i have to put up with every fucking day.
it should be entitled, SWEAR, instead of speak.
stompthoseheels, in lieu of peeptoeheels.
you see, the deal here is that everyone has their opinion
and i stand by "to each his own".
what i DON'T get is when you try to force YOUR opinion down MY throat.
patience is indeed a rare virtue.
and i respect you as a person to not fuck you up in public or in your face.
just fucking grow up because it's crystal clear that you have NO clue of how to be socially accepted.
i'm not incredibly smart, but in the midst of all these people
i feel like i'm Einstein.
and the only time i've ever felt that way is.... well let's see, NEVER!
so imagine my disappointment when my circle of friends have always been so much more smarter than i can ever hope to be and suddenly i am thrown into the heart of a bunch of idiots who think they are so fucking smart but who are actually stupider than *I* am
now that, is really saying something.
this comes across as condescending, but i can find no other way to put it because they refuse to listen, refuse to compromise and just act like they know everything.
i keep my mouth shut if i don't know anything because i don't want to appear ignorant or stupid which is, imho, the best way to learn.
fuck you la, you honestly think you're so goddamn smart, why don't you go and apply for some top-notch uni or get hired already?
why do u bother coming to class when you're already a genius in your own right?
don't stand in my way of gaining knowledge.
and if i hear, just one strand of gossip concerning me, you are going to pay for it.
a friend of mine told off this girl for talking behind her back. i admire her for her guts.
i don't think i am capable of telling people in their faces. but there's one person who might just get a taste of their own medicine.
all this drama.... screw you. the whole lot of you.
13.9.08
reason in. reason out.
he's leaving for vietnam in 35 hours.
a week.
i'll miss him terribly ):
but i hope work will distract me.
a few months ago, i didn't think this was possible.
i'd laugh in your face, tears in my eyes, short of breath from laughing to hard
muscles clenched so tight in my abdomen i'd beg you to stop
i guess time proved me wrong.
sure, happiness isn't 100% guaranteed, money returned no questions asked wtf.
even so, i'm glad there's something to look forward to every morning i wake up
something to push me a little harder each day.
will it be easier? harder? faster? slower?
it seems these past 4 months and a bit have just flown by without my knowledge
where did it all go?
i'm sure i had time clenched in my hand, grasped so tightly i wouldn't let go.
but it slipped when i wasn't looking
like wind, like sand, like so many other things that won't stay put.
we remain insecure throughout our lives, because that's just how it is.
you can't promise forever, but you can promise just a little bit more
and everyday, hopefully, that increases.
sloppy kisses, laundry undone, dishes in the sink.
dr. spaceman warrants just a little TLC
but i'm a green-eyed monster you see
i'll give in just once or twice, depending on my mood (:
a week.
i'll miss him terribly ):
but i hope work will distract me.
a few months ago, i didn't think this was possible.
i'd laugh in your face, tears in my eyes, short of breath from laughing to hard
muscles clenched so tight in my abdomen i'd beg you to stop
i guess time proved me wrong.
sure, happiness isn't 100% guaranteed, money returned no questions asked wtf.
even so, i'm glad there's something to look forward to every morning i wake up
something to push me a little harder each day.
will it be easier? harder? faster? slower?
it seems these past 4 months and a bit have just flown by without my knowledge
where did it all go?
i'm sure i had time clenched in my hand, grasped so tightly i wouldn't let go.
but it slipped when i wasn't looking
like wind, like sand, like so many other things that won't stay put.
we remain insecure throughout our lives, because that's just how it is.
you can't promise forever, but you can promise just a little bit more
and everyday, hopefully, that increases.
sloppy kisses, laundry undone, dishes in the sink.
dr. spaceman warrants just a little TLC
but i'm a green-eyed monster you see
i'll give in just once or twice, depending on my mood (:
maybe you're the same as me
we see the things they'll never see
you and i are gonna live forever
0asis - live forever
we see the things they'll never see
you and i are gonna live forever
0asis - live forever
free-falling.
i'm disappointed.
it's not a beautiful letdown, or a situation i'd be proud of.
rather, it's ugly, despicable and as my father says, "shameful".
you've ruined our trust and respect singlehandedly
true, it wasn't much to begin with
but with all the commotion about being muhibbah and united
it's just degrading your self-worth by REFUSING to apologize.
adamant that you said nothing wrong.
i'm blown away by the injustice.
it's things like these that happen that make me afraid to speak my mind at times.
but then i recall, it's a free world.
if i can't speak my mind now, when will i ever be free?
and today's headlines concerning the three people being detained under the ISA act.
why has it come to such a sickening state?
this is so depressing =/
is there hope? dare i hope for something to take a turn for the better?
will malaysia's wheel of fortune take a different spin?
it's not a beautiful letdown, or a situation i'd be proud of.
rather, it's ugly, despicable and as my father says, "shameful".
you've ruined our trust and respect singlehandedly
true, it wasn't much to begin with
but with all the commotion about being muhibbah and united
it's just degrading your self-worth by REFUSING to apologize.
adamant that you said nothing wrong.
i'm blown away by the injustice.
it's things like these that happen that make me afraid to speak my mind at times.
but then i recall, it's a free world.
if i can't speak my mind now, when will i ever be free?
and today's headlines concerning the three people being detained under the ISA act.
why has it come to such a sickening state?
this is so depressing =/
is there hope? dare i hope for something to take a turn for the better?
will malaysia's wheel of fortune take a different spin?
10.9.08
irrational.
public toilets, private loos, stinky petrol stations restrooms
everything you do your shit in, literally.
see, it's nature's call and everyone needs to do it at one time or another.
but it doesn't friggin mean you get to be inconsiderate.
i'm the kind of person who would make sure the toilet bowl is almost clean, as it should be.
not squeaky clean, scrubbed with 99% antiseptic or whatever
but at least no crap floating around, or pee all over the place.
be a little bit more understanding that the next person to use the toilet could be a kid, an older person, a clean freak or just someone like me who wants to do her number one or number two in a place that doesn't stink like a septic tank!
my brothers are prime examples of people who flush but don't bother to check if it's all gone down the pipe. so it leaves the next person (sometimes it's me) to walk and go, "eww..wtf.."
so anyhow
i really should start writing again on a regular basis.
just write about anything and everything that comes to mind.
but i'm afraid of what people would say if they took a look at what i wrote
if it was foolish, silly, rubbish, idiotic?
i feel inferior most of the time to put it mildly.
i have friends who are in year 2, going on to graduate with degrees in economics
law, mathematics, actuarial science, literature, medicine...
what about me?
what am i doing now?
i am twenty this year and i still feel like i have yet to accomplish anything
does it help when people say i have seen so much more than a lot of other people?
does it help to compare myself to them?
perhaps they have seen much more than i have.
know much more than i do, that i can say for certain, in different aspects.
i don't know what my goals in life are for sure.
maybe they change everyday.
and perhaps i am liable to change, to sway where the wind takes me.
sometimes i don't know where my real interest lies.
i envy those who know exactly what they want and what it takes to get them there
and if they are capable of doing such things.
nothing is impossible. yes.
but am i possible?
i feel a need to be occupied with something anything.
this feeling, a small feeling.
being minute and tiny beside giants of knowledge.
i don't trust my judgments because quite often the trust i have in people are misplaced
undeserved, even.
feeling smug about myself for knowing a little more
or so i think.
that's the first downfall.
never underestimate your opponent.
there's always someone bigger, stronger, faster and better than you are.
i need to know.
everything you do your shit in, literally.
see, it's nature's call and everyone needs to do it at one time or another.
but it doesn't friggin mean you get to be inconsiderate.
i'm the kind of person who would make sure the toilet bowl is almost clean, as it should be.
not squeaky clean, scrubbed with 99% antiseptic or whatever
but at least no crap floating around, or pee all over the place.
be a little bit more understanding that the next person to use the toilet could be a kid, an older person, a clean freak or just someone like me who wants to do her number one or number two in a place that doesn't stink like a septic tank!
my brothers are prime examples of people who flush but don't bother to check if it's all gone down the pipe. so it leaves the next person (sometimes it's me) to walk and go, "eww..wtf.."
so anyhow
i really should start writing again on a regular basis.
just write about anything and everything that comes to mind.
but i'm afraid of what people would say if they took a look at what i wrote
if it was foolish, silly, rubbish, idiotic?
i feel inferior most of the time to put it mildly.
i have friends who are in year 2, going on to graduate with degrees in economics
law, mathematics, actuarial science, literature, medicine...
what about me?
what am i doing now?
i am twenty this year and i still feel like i have yet to accomplish anything
does it help when people say i have seen so much more than a lot of other people?
does it help to compare myself to them?
perhaps they have seen much more than i have.
know much more than i do, that i can say for certain, in different aspects.
i don't know what my goals in life are for sure.
maybe they change everyday.
and perhaps i am liable to change, to sway where the wind takes me.
sometimes i don't know where my real interest lies.
i envy those who know exactly what they want and what it takes to get them there
and if they are capable of doing such things.
nothing is impossible. yes.
but am i possible?
i feel a need to be occupied with something anything.
this feeling, a small feeling.
being minute and tiny beside giants of knowledge.
i don't trust my judgments because quite often the trust i have in people are misplaced
undeserved, even.
feeling smug about myself for knowing a little more
or so i think.
that's the first downfall.
never underestimate your opponent.
there's always someone bigger, stronger, faster and better than you are.
i need to know.
7.9.08
rant-o-rama
i hate them. all they ever do is hurt me or make me cry. nothing i do will ever be good enough.
i wrote that ten minutes ago.
funny how fast i forget how bad it feels like.
perhaps one day when it really does go down the shitter
they'll realise that a lot of it was for nothing.
but i hate the way you make me feel. i really do.
unappreciated and just something that exists.
don't i mean anything MORE?
is it so hard to just say it out? fuck this la.
you're just like me, but pretending to be a grown up.
if i could tell you the truth
would it make it any easier?
maybe it's just that much less complicated when i lie.
i want you to love him as much as i do.
but in your eyes, i make all the wrong decisions.
then to hell with the truth.
i can die happy.
without you knowing who i truly am.
on another note, i hate how people cut in before you finish speaking.
you have any idea how fucking annoying that can get?
it happened multiple times throughout friday and saturday
nia ma.
have a little respect, if you will.
it probably takes all of 4 and a half nano seconds to finish that damn sentence
but i guess you don't even have that ounce of patience to fucking wait.
i normally hate rant posts
because it's always so whiny and repetitive
but i can't help myself.
it's a goddamn disgrace.
i wrote that ten minutes ago.
funny how fast i forget how bad it feels like.
perhaps one day when it really does go down the shitter
they'll realise that a lot of it was for nothing.
but i hate the way you make me feel. i really do.
unappreciated and just something that exists.
don't i mean anything MORE?
is it so hard to just say it out? fuck this la.
you're just like me, but pretending to be a grown up.
if i could tell you the truth
would it make it any easier?
maybe it's just that much less complicated when i lie.
i want you to love him as much as i do.
but in your eyes, i make all the wrong decisions.
then to hell with the truth.
i can die happy.
without you knowing who i truly am.
on another note, i hate how people cut in before you finish speaking.
you have any idea how fucking annoying that can get?
it happened multiple times throughout friday and saturday
nia ma.
have a little respect, if you will.
it probably takes all of 4 and a half nano seconds to finish that damn sentence
but i guess you don't even have that ounce of patience to fucking wait.
i normally hate rant posts
because it's always so whiny and repetitive
but i can't help myself.
it's a goddamn disgrace.
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