Creep

my phone rang. and then it was just a missed call. I called back and said hey, i haven't heard from you in a long time. Yeah, i just thought of calling to say hello but I wasn't too sure if you'd want to hear from me. My partner looks at me witheringly and I bid you goodbye, speak soon, the usual conversation ending bits. Who is that? Why is he calling? Why? Why? And I just clam up. What do I say? The truth? Some lies? Well, this person saved me. I was on the verge of falling in a depressing dark dank ditch. This man, gave me his time and tried his very best to be with me. To just keep me company. He never asked any questions, never asked for anything in return. We never spoke of 'love', because it was a different feeling. 'Love' was for dizzy couples, high on adrenaline and can't stop kissing the other. It was far from it. I'd say affection and a genuine care for my well-being. He accepted my flaws and thoroughly enjoyed my company. He respected my decisions. Which is so much more than I can say for some people that I know today. I regret that I broke his heart, I regret that I wasn't able to reciprocate in the way he deserved. the typical story is as such 'it's not you, it's me.' Some days, I wonder how is he doing, and I know I can call and just say hello. But I suppose it's better to leave the buried Pandora's box where it is.

All of the lights

Please draw a comparison chart and have a look at where your time goes and what activities you may be doing. Clearly, if you're placing X time in Y activity, you'd want the same in return. folks, who invests cotton candy and waits around for gold bars? I look at how relationships fail and how they are all inevitably doomed. It's rather depressing but I suppose it's hope that keeps some of it going. Horribly cynical, but what's left to give? It's so easy to say, hey i'm yours. but what really demonstrates that is an action. or two. what you put on your list of things to do, is what you have the heart to do. what you don't have on the list, in my opinion, isn't important anyway. also, i give too much shit and really need to organize my priorities. i hate getting the shorter end of the stick. i despise being the kind of lumpy sack of tofu that you are free to mold when you decide to give a hoot about me. fuck it, hand me a beer and put some music on.