leaving you/me behind

i’ve decided.
i am letting it go.
not that i ever had a part in that.
i never did.

but i think it signifies my end in this story.
heck you don’t know what i’m talking about.
but at least i do.

perhaps we’ll have another shot at this
who knows eh?
(:

i might just wait. i think you’re worth it.
or maybe it was just infatuation. (:
i miss you. i really do.
i miss your arm around my waist.
your fingers entwined in mine.
i miss your company.
your patience.
your ignorance.
fuck.

this is damn bleeding emo.
sigh.
you get the drift la
i don’t need to go detailed here.

damn sayang.
every meaning it has, it applies.

on another note, i hope u bimbos had an awesome time in london.
dang it, i’ll make it the next time (:
i cut my hair and dyed it again.
27th january. it’s supposed to be purple-reddish.
it turned out to be a lot like black red. +_+
there’s a hundred down the drain.

can i rave about club 8 and pelle again?
absolutely loved them.
it’s practically impossible to say one bad thing
well maybe the technical error with the bass was quite a potong-steamer.

and i might just make it for switchfoot.
i’ll try my bestest for explosions in the sky.
and maroon 5, you gotta wait for me!
(:
ambitious me.
that’s 4 concerts in like 3 months +_+
well God, i’m hoping for some extras in the bank, a toothfairy even, just let me keep my bites.
or you can get me an early birthday present (:
hahahahha

ooh wait make that FIVE, there’s this gig lined up at mont kiara.
just heard about it today, sunburst!
featuring john legend, incubus and a bunch more.
all day long apparently, 200 bucks!
shit, i tak payah makan or shop for the next two years +_+

frisbee tmw.
i am so not fit. +_+

babi headache.
stupid double weather.

*mwah!

pms makes me yell at people

it’s true.
and i think there are a lot of people around me who have probably witnessed or experienced this at one time or another.
i’m saying this because i feel extremely guilty for yelling at my dad for all the things that happened today.
sorry pops.
i couldn’t make it to frisbee because i kinda woke up late but i was dressed and ready to go and then i realized that i only know the way to astaka, or at least in theory i sorta know where it is and where to head or who to call.
but in reality i am supposed to be making my way to kbu which i’ve only seen twice in my whole life and for me to get there before 9am when’s it’s already 8.30am as i left my house would be impossible unless i grew wings during the car ride.
even then it would be highly unlikely that i’d know how to use my new wings, which i don’t have, of course.

+_+

this is what having your period does to you.
it’s like it’s not good enough that you have to bleed, and that you get pissy, apparently you can also go a little whacked like what i am now. +_+

but the highlight of this post is that i had an excellent day yesterday. a little screwed up but excellent.
almost good enough to think about writing about.
i’m kidding!
i had like minimal sleep because of a current kinda slow addiction to grey’s anatomy of which i plan to get the rest of the seasons because it so happens that what i have of it now is something i already kinda watched on national tv but wasn’t really interested at that time. since i’m about to go bonkers anyways, why not go wild with a tv drama that is honestly so amazingly complicated i don’t even know half of what’s happened or what’s going to happen…

anyways back to the minimal sleep.
i had to wake up early anyways to go all the way to college to pay the fees +_+
and why couldn’t someone else do that for me?
because apparently i’m the only person who knows how to do it
+_+
nevermind that.
so i spent close to two hours mindlessly in some computer lab
until *T tells me class is over and lunch would be fantastic.
i don’t eat but i had a rather laughable time what with more real-life drama about some weird sexuality issues
o.O
whatever.
so now that i have the company, *T and i head over to midv to get the last of my pay and walk around aimlessly.
i’ve missed her though, strangely.
i think it’s established that we should have our mondays together.
i don’t know what will come of that, but i might put more effort in this than with the rest of the people i know.

so it was midvalley mindless wandering and meandering, with more complicated relationship issues happening..
what is it with kids these days? tsk tsk…

and then we, *S, *D, *I and yours truly headed back to *S’s hostel to just… sit around :p
after that it was time to get back and be all ready for an awesome night!
you do know i got tickets for club 8 and pelle carlberg at KLPac right????
@_@
well i did.
*P came over to pick me up and after some real quick mcd’s, we TRIED to find sentul, jalan ipoh, and wherever it is that we can relate to getting to sentul west. +_+
needless to say it was more like an adventure getting there, and it shows that i should go there more often!
thanks *J and *A for the directions!
and i feel so bad making *F wait for us cause all the tickets were with me!
we eventually arrived, and i don’t think a lot of people were bothered by whichever band who was opening for club 8.
to be absolutely honest, i only heard like 6 songs from this duo before i went for the gig.
but it’s a genre that i’m glad to be comfortable with.
why settle for what’s normal, what’s popular, what’s new, what’s usual when there’s good music from independent bands as well??

i am digressing yet again.

i had the best time i could possibly have in a room full of people, a band that’s amazing, a guy who’s charismatic on stage, friends who enjoyed it as well, drunk people dancing and stepping on my feet, drunk OLD people who dance like they are 15, some enthusiastic people, some unenthusiastic people, awesome music, technical errors, and all that made my night one to remember for this week. (:
it was, one word, fan-bleeding-tastic. (:

and i didn’t drink at all.
(:
maybe because there was an unopened bottle of J.D at home waiting for me. (:
kidding. i didn’t drink. maybe next week.
i am still upset about not being able to make it to frisbee but who cares?
i had a great night, didn’t really meet anyone but at least i know now that i can have a kinda okay time being alone.
indie music, indie me. get it?

i might go for switchfoot next week if there’s a ticket.
life is just getting started.
i am looking forward, can you tell?

(:

unbelievable

really.
it’s so wtfwth that i don’t even know how to react anymore.
how is that singapore gets all the good stuff and we get the shit?
i am tu lan, can you tell?

i’ll emo more later la….

*later…. *
i swear man, why?
why this year?
why when i am broke?
+_+
i believe i have previously ranted about this
but kt tunstall is just like another pain in the neck.
would some people be incredibly sweet and generous so that i can be happy in singapore this march? (:
i don’t think i can even make it for club8 and pelle this friday =/

i’m going to sulk the whole of tmw.

crashed and burned. well..almost!

on a hospital bed, with bandages around my abdomen and ouch it hurts to even type.
i hate hospitals.
they stink of detergent or bleach, whichever the nastier.
how to play frisbee now?
worst case scenario. i think i’d rather keel over than be in a hospital.

but fortunately i’m still in one piece, but i shld have thought of being less swollen headed before i said that ehhh??? +_+ sigh.
i’m good

i swear man, i was sooooo damn close to freaking out.
i would never ever everrrr forget the 21st of January 2008, 7.40 something in the morning, the left turning to jalan dungun.
if this is wat you meant by trading, God, you damn keng la.
the other dude was totally glaring daggers at me, ma hai. you think i really wanted to kiss your bumper that bad meh??
thank God no one else was around, i was a bowl of jelly, literally!
i think i just sat in all my classes with my mind floating somewhere out there.
but i’m really lucky i was talking to this guy, and he was saying something about calling the insurance, and the police and the yadayadayada… j-man said to just call someone more matured. HAHAHHAHAH
well thank goodness my brother and uncle weren’t pissed.
i think my uncle has like had 5 accidents in the past 6 months?
well… i guess this is just the norm for him already.

oh and this is why i hate HELP students.
*i don’t care if i take this back later on, if i don’t, i guess it proves my point*
this fucker just stood there and laughed.
bastard, i’d like to be at the scene when he crashes man.
macam puki, i don’t even know you +_+
but takpe, we let malicious people be malicious.
i am just gonna take a break from the wheel for now.

now how am i going to get around? =/

i hate you

how you pretend to care but you just can’t give two fucks
how you really take things for granted
how you can hurt me just by saying something
how your bloody words can seriously make me bleed
how your girlfriend is such a bitch, i can’t stand her
how you think you are holier-than-thou
how you think you are so much better than everyone of us
how you give stupid meaningless fucked up sermons like you can save the world
how you are such a pain in the ass
how i didn’t even think about calling you when i am in a crisis because if i did, you won’t be able to help me and you won’t anyways.
how our parents can still bear with your shithead attitude
how i have to resort to blogging about how much i hate you
how i need to wait this out before i get to leave and bade adieu to your shit
how you don’t care about anything but your church, girlfriend, job and bike.
how i’ll never tell this to your face, because….. i’m afraid.

kiss kiss

does chris brown rock or wat?
i had a good time on friday, not too much drinking, just wayy too much dancing =)
sadly this weekend is void of practically anything to do +_+
wtf
i am so f-ing bored.
i shit you not.
anyone i want to see in person on msn, is abroad.
anyone i want to see who’s actually in this country is either sick, busy or smth la.
+_+
damn pissing off i swear.
i have a totally free weekend with no plans whatsoever and there’s nothing happening??
yeah i know, i can’t believe it either.

you know how everyone is raving about j.co donuts?
well i think big apple’s donuts rocks more than j.co’s :p
and i love “Witnut” oh damn, it’s absolutely scrumptious!
and it’s uber-pretty too!
a layer of vanilla cream on top of a fresh donut, some choc pattern
and a yummylicious peanut butter filling!
it’s almost to die for

hey bryan, i think ur really cute!
*hides flaming face*

treading ice.

i feel a lot better now.
tuesday saw a lot of unnecessary wasting time on public transportation, a few new faces, some obnoxious idiots whose names i don’t even know, high school freshies who are so high school musical i want to keel over, but i did learn some geography and cultural ways different from my own.
i couldn’t be screwed to go get books on wed, and thus i am text-bookless for next week!
sigh.
i actually drove to college yesterday, nearly colliding with 4 other vehicles. a celica, a perdana, a kancil, a lorry.
yeah i am quite the pro hahahha
i also missed the turning to the national museum, thank goodness i eventually found my way there.
but with a four-hour break, i could have gone home to sleep and eat and bathe and drive back for english.
so i went yam char with *UW and found my way to college.
i spent like 15 bucks on parking alone can you believe it?
no hot sightings as usual.
sien.

here’s something new, a new year’s kiss. i know it’s not so new a year anymore.
but it did feel sorta odd/natural/unexpected.
what the hell am i saying!?
nothing will come of it anyways.
just thought i’d write it here in case i forgot.

American Idol 7 is so bleeding funny!
but i do feel kesian for the contestants who audition.
it’s so sad, being made fun of on tv, and there’s the whole world watching!
not just US!
i guess this means i won’t be trying out for “one in a million” now.
hahahahhahahhaahhaha
i’m kidding man!

back to the grindstone

you know how i hate studying?
yeah i hate studying.
it’s no surprise
but studying isn’t half as bad when you got the right mates to do it with.
*not like we’d be studying half the time anyways, but you get wat i mean, yes?*
but studying in a place that’s pretty much void of people that you like,
now that’s what i call a shithole.

i’m sure you know college just started for me.
and so far, it’s only been my first day.
and yet.
and yet.
i am failing to network
yes. that’s right.
maybe cause i can’t be bothered anymore.
it just struck me this morning when i was stuck in some lousy traffic
maybe i have met all the people i’ve wanted to meet.
and it’s probably enough to last me a lifetime.
no kidding.
i don’t want to spend the rest of my time here being fake.
like i really want to know anybody anyways?
i think not.
and before u start bombarding me with things like
“aiyah don’t lie la, how can you be so anti-social?”
well i’ll tell you now.
it’s a choice.
it’s an evident path i am quite willing to take.

in fact i am quite fucking pissed with everyone right now
the exception being my mom, dad, en and j-man.
everyone else can just fuck themselves.

i won’t ask to be forgiven for being crude.
or rude. or watever.
it’s how things are right now. this very moment.
that i feel THIS fucked up to tell everyone else to go and just die.

oh wait i haven’t told you about orientation yet.
it was one word : bollocks.
i swear, if there’s any other way to waste time, it’s orientations.
and if there’s anything else, it’s the people in the orientations.
myself included, because why?
i went as well +_+

but i had a blast with yaya, aisha, koo and paul yesterday
just downing glass after glass after glass.
i went home feeling good about myself and as the night wore out
i just felt that little bit more shitty about the first day of class.

damn we’ll just see what happens tmw, yes?

p/s: at the rate i’m going, the bottle might just be my next best friend.

let's just be friends?

hahahha
i can’t ever say i’ve heard that line.
not yet anyhow.
but yes perhaps karma will get me back
and get me good this time.
i did say i want to talk about platonic friendships
and how they pretty much don’t exist for me
i quote jay ong kar kar
“he’s a guy, she’s a girl, it’s the 21st century, you know how it goes “
i think that’s how it went.
and i’d go so far as to support this line, completely.
it’s true la
like seriously.
there isn’t much to debate at this point of time
it is a social phenomenon
perhaps my friends know me as the only one that changes boys like underwear
hahahha
well for the record, i do no such thing.
i may be quick changing hands
but it doesn’t mean i do it all on purpose
hey, it’s my blog!
let me justify my actions eh? hahaha
i’d say it’s something that a person would encounter at least once
besides, how can you say that you are JUST friends with a person of the opposite sex (or sometimes, the same gender, )
when you know it, that there’s some sort of chemistry, and it doesn’t even matter if you’re attached at that time or not
and that the level of chemistry really depends on how far you’re willing to take it to.
please don’t friggin tell me i’m wrong.
i know how this goes
and if you don’t
then please go get some la.

yeah that’s how it is.
platonic friendships don’t exist for me.
you are either someone i really care about, or someone i can’t be bothered with.
i won’t ever see a person as someone as “just a friend”, that’s being lukewarm.
and i’m not like that. =/

for all you know, i might have had a little crush on you boys back then
hahahahha

i love my darlings! =)

dreary, shall we say?

i’ve left my other wordpress to the follies of my youth
something more light-hearted to discuss about among like-minded individuals
this, on the other hand, has received a make-over.
i hope to be able to talk about real things here.
things that matter.

has 2008 started for me?
in some ways, i think not.
denial has its way of twisting me around it’s finger.
there are still some people whom i am not talking to
solely for the fear that the dynamics may change
and not in my favor, at that.

i am learning to be less shallow with myself.
even the lies that i tell myself are becoming a little more real to me each day.
you ask, how can that be?
how do you speak of lies that eventually become true?
well there really isn’t such a thing
but only a figment of one’s imagination.
sometimes you repeat something over and over and over
so many times
that you start believing that it’s real.
i would not beg to differ.

i want very much to be accepted into Yale.
there is no doubt about that.
however i have yet to begin any real work that will help contribute to my application.
i think i have written out resolutions and wishes and aims for this year.
but i have not started on a single one.
this is how i know i have yet to kick off my 2008.
best year of my life?
i certainly hope so.
but it will definitely be nothing less of 366 days i’d rather not remember if i don’t do something about it, right now.

honesty did me some good a few months back.
i had the opportunity to cut myself from all ties that i felt were dragging me, slowing me down.

rolling around

i’d like to roll around. in the sand, on grass, on the seashore, on my bed.
okay, that was just random. =p

did i mention i start college next week?
=/
i’m not damn sad, or damn happy.
it is a place, after all, to start anew.
concentrate and work.
but Wednesday is coming a lot faster that i think it should.
in fact i have two days left before i am thrown into a world of chaos with teeny boppers running about, ooh-ing and aah-ing at every little thing in sight, i hope i can be discreet on the hot stuffs
but they ARE younger, so yeah mel, keep your hands off them young ‘uns +_+
depressingnya…

on another note, i had a jolly good time meeting up with half the girls in PL2 =)
what a very very rare occasion that is.
i didn’t think that would happen again especially since half of them are in the UK!
but yes, it was fun indeed, as exhausting that day may be.
can you believe it, i fell asleep watching atonement the second time around? +_+

wait i’ve been on this post, distracted by facebook, only been wanting to rant about how singapore’s all the best gigs in the house and it’s all happening in the first three months of 08.
can someone help me plot to rob a bank!
goodness.
i can’t decide which gig to attend, how do i get the money to attend the afore-mentioned gig, and where to bleeding stay after the gig.
did i mention i don’t have a passport either?
hahahahha
there’s dream theatre!, switchfoot!, INCUBUS!, MAROON bleeding 5!
omg. it’s so mengada.
of all the places, they want to go to expensive, boring, ol’ singapore!
+_+
this does mean, either i scrimp on food and go, or just settle for RWMF 08.
i have yet to decide which is harder to decide to skip, get me?
no worries, i don’t either
but yes i am tu lan.
siiiiigh.
if i can find sponsorship for all 5 major events, confirm i don’t have to study dy..

next up, i want to talk about platonic friendships.
do they exist? i think not.
at least not in my world.
and about all the other stuff i forgot to say here.

xoxo!

can you say it's the best new year yet?

well well well…..
i certainly didn’t think it’d turn out like that
in fact, i bumped into many familiar faces
and i loved almost every moment of my new years celebration with peanuts + one
bumping into old friends, toying with spray cans and sticky fizz
lousy service at TGIF, but good company.
idiots who are completely uncivilized pooped my party
nevertheless, very few cute faces, i’ve been hoping to bump into him again
alas, lady luck wasn’t smiling on me last night =/
but i did have the best new year yet, really.
lips counted, 9 hours?? like wtf
not a dull moment

i read this on en’s blog, abt how she doesn’t believe that how you spend the first minute of new year defines how the rest of the year will be.
i remember the start of 07 and how i spent it
GOD forbid it’ll ever happen again
i really did spend MOST of 07 as i did the first few minutes of the new year.
now THAT was some shit i’d rather put away.

aside from all that, i really did make 07 my cuti-cuti malaysia year.
i lived up to tourism malaysia’s tagline for once! =)
not that i ever bothered myself abt it la
but still, i went to miri, on the 3rd of jan
and nicole was my superb hostess!
came back and moved into lafite 512 with naz and ben
made some really good friends in en, joe and zaim.
met even more people from taylors, juniors, seniors…
i’m too friendly for my own good
hahahhaha
went to lang tengah in april for josh’s birthday
damn the beach at night has to be the BEST place to be EVER….
i wanna own an island when i make it! hahahha

exams, prom and then we are off to redang!
alco-land i swear!
but good time definitely
geez, you know me la
anywhere with the beach, the friends, and the juice is the place to be la =)

perhentian was good too, with you looking out for me
thanks love =)

kuching had to be almost the best trip
minus the bloody drama la
my claws were nearly in place +_+
fantastic music, awesome company, what more can i ask for?
more tuak, of course! hahahha

ipoh was an anti-climax but why would i trade a fun trip with fun people? =)
*i think i’ve been blogging a lot abt my trips, on previous blogs too*
but oh wtf, new year, new blog, new post la!
must remember all the fun times i had!
that’s the purpose of a darn blog right?
or else i’d forget my happy stuff!

i didn’t make it to penang, bangkok, bali or london last year.
not this year either i suppose =(
but i’ll make it to kuching, for sure!
peanuts especially, don’t mengada, lol!

i met up with naz, felix, and aiman today!
damn it’s been too long since i’ve seen any of em
atonement was good
so i’m watching it again!
and i shopped like crazy
now i’m shit broke!
die la now
how now brown cow??
no money to shop! =(
siiiiigh
must work again la i suppose =/
sien!

i miss all of you!
*mwah!
hope you had a fantastic new year like i did!

playing games

i never really did give a hoot about winning or losing
as long as i got a place in the game.
but playing the field is something i’d like to think i’m good at.
and at the same time, i’d like to be playing with the people who are worth my time
this is not a game for wussies
but then again, this is not meant for a specific person
it’s more as a personal reminder to myself and to all out there who are like me,
to always pick an opposition party that is of equal rank and footing
it bores me to death when i am the only one that is eager to bend and break every rule there is
and the other is only there for sweet talking
like seriously, give me a break
forgive my straightforward mannerisms
but i can’t be wasting time on little boys
if you’re there with me, i hope that you can prove some measure of courage
it doesn’t take a lot, but once you’ve signed up for this exclusive game
dear heavens, it’s not something you can just switch off
you need to be prepared to give in, and to do as you say
not just all talk and no action.
sigh
this is why i am setting the bar higher
there’s gotta be a screening test before the admission is *sirim* certified
hahaha =)

but i’m definitely not playing the field with you, my love =)
damn i miss you.