ignore that voice in your head.

you who invented jealousy must have been a person with too much free time on hand
that there was nothing else to do but to make believe stories in your head
to mislead yourself into thinking about something that wasn't there

i hate being tested, it takes so much effort to be more than what you're capable of.
even if it means that i can do it, it doesn't mean i should have to be placed in such a compromising position. it's simply unfair. and really, i truly hate such situations.
they are awkward, like talking to a good friend who has BO or bad breath
you've got to suck it in and wait til the conversation is over so that you can breathe without asking for permission.

goddamnit.

and of course, the grass always looks greener on the other side, but the shepherd boy says otherwise and to believe him seems to be the foolish thing to do since i believe what i see. and hope against hope you want to believe that the shepherd boy's just looking out for you and obviously he knows best because he's been taking the sheep around that area for years, and now you, a mere tourist wants to tell a seasoned professional what he should do in his own backyard, that his grass is just too damn green? well do the right thing and believe him. find another shepherd and ask for his opinion, he'll tell you the same thing.

i hate being a green eyed monster ):
i really do.
it's no fun being the one who's all worked up over nothing, i believe you i do i do!
it's a nuisance, it's tiresome
it breaks me down, it breaks you do
and it works like a double edged knife.
oh fuck this mossy shit.

surely i have better things to do than to think of irrelevant people, and moments of doubt such as these only work for the worst of us, and i'm determined to beat this son of a bitch.

say it with me now: completely unnecessary *repeat as often as possible*

it's a waste of time and neurons on this matter
because after all, if the shepherd boy lies about it, karma is set to rock and roll
but i digress, women are engineered to be so damn emotional about everything.
it's through no fault of my own that i am made female
this world of constant vanity and comparison makes me ill sometimes.
every sally, belle and mary are out there just waiting to be the next supermodel/actress/celebrity whilst jotting notes on getting slimmer so that they can achieve the anorexic look, which surgeon to go to so that they can get the best deals for nose job/boob job/face lift/botox jab. i mean seriously, going under the knife is just like taking a drive to the supermarket.
all this competition, and you tell me to believe in myself?
honey, you must be living in the stone age!

i'm scared. at the end of it all, i am scared. i'm afraid that one day you would lose that faith in me, and jump ship anyway, i'm afraid that boredom creeps in and it will be over before i know it, i'm afraid that you'd fall for someone else and forget that i ever existed. i'm afraid of 5 million things, but perhaps i should be more afraid of not living as i should, that fear and terror are the only things holding us back from doing what we want to do, and every single probable future plan of mine includes you. if i can't stop thinking about irrelevant things like green eyed monsters, that future would most likely not come true at all.

sungguh mencibaikan.