mish-mash

it's all been way too strange of late
and it's all at one go
could it be possible that i'm losing my friends?
not just physical ties with the ones i'm close with
but every connection i seem to have had once before with some certain individuals are *poof* gone now...
i do realize i haven't been the GREATEST friend on earth
but do i need a different approach?
i'm that one person who does not like to be alone.
sure i am anti-social at times
but it doesn't mean i don't want my friends anymore
or then again, were we ever really anything more than mere acquaintances?
that's my fault
i always fall for it, hook line and sinker before i know which bitch got me
i don't want to struggle for it, it makes me look weak
but i feel like i'm losing my position here within a limited circle
and i must say, i detest that feeling.
i'm so insecure now that the slightest words might break me.
even if you never meant it in a way that i would take offense.

i'm seriously feeling ridiculous because i used to pride myself with having so many friends
and now i'm left feeling like the only real person i can count on is me.

after leaving this post to sit by itself for an hour or more
i was talking to my parents
wow, and we weren't arguing
amazing eh?
but yeah, it was good to let it out (:
religion, what we had before, etc
so many things
it's a matter of choice, no?