for a moment...or two.

i guess it's just this bit of me left that hasn't forgotten.
it's right in my face the whole time
and it didn't register

surprise struck, but i'm over that.
no wishes or hopes, or happy returns
none of that sort, at least not from me.

i don't get such rights/
not anymore, i don't.

and i fucking miss you, maybe it's just pms
but it's not a good enough reason to be upset and cry
over the fact that i haven't heard from you in a day, or i haven't seen you in five days
or if you just felt like pulling my leg
but what i really wanted to hear was how much you wish i was there
and how much you miss having me around
even if i've heard that before
and because that's exactly how i feel.
i'm disjointed and broken without you here.
and it's seriously great that you're having a good time there
or whatever time it may be.
but it doesn't change the fact that i still miss hearing your voice, even if it was for a little while
and i hung up.
i ended the call because i wasn't in a funny mood, because the last thing i wanted to do was to fake laughter when i'm not feeling it
it's weird that i'm crying without sound, because it's looks like i'm emotion-less.
tears just rolling and i'm typing away, clattering keyboard.

i miss you more than i'll ever let you know.


less than half an hour ago
i also had a fright, hearing a loud thud
dude, i'm wearing headphones with oasis blaring away
and this thud apparently was from outside the house
i went downstairs to check out what's going on, i.e. cat, dog, bag that fell over, whatever.
i hear two guys talking, on a motorcycle, right outside my front gate.
WHAT THE FUCK.
it's two am in the bleeding morning.
and the first guy is writing something down.
IN THE DARK.
what is this DODGY shit going on.

i run back upstairs, look down from my parents room through the windows and they ARE still there.
and they are speaking in tamil, *indian guys* i'm not colour blind.
the first guy pointed directly to my house, said something to guy #2
and scribbled something else.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

i wake my dad up, they leave before i could catch a glimpse of the number plate.
i doubt they know anyone was watching them.
my dad says not to worry, but i know i won't be sleeping nights anymore.