flip that light on please and thank you.

in the mood to publish.
so yes i will spam the lot of you with a smattering of words and leave.

it's funny to be in love i suppose. but that's not the point of this.
yes, i am happy but what is it really that makes one gets those butterflies on the inside? what gets you giddy with excitement and have you laughing at conversations that strangers would just raise an eyebrow at because they don't understand a single word that you're saying to each other anyway?

i don't know. all i'm faced with now is the feeling that this might just end in a disaster that i may have single-handedly created for myself. i'm great at sabotage, i should just be led into a 4x4 cell to sit there for life and to cause no further damage to myself.

but i need to count my numerous blessings this year. '11 has been absolutely smashing. nothing has been fucked up, either by myself or someone else.
my family is nothing short of a daily miracle, taking my shit like no one else would. beautiful friends who are there, amazing creatures in their own right. and as i found out yesterday, i also have some saints for lecturers. i have always believed teachers were the truly noble ones (my mother included, she's a gem) and i don't even deserve it but my INT teacher has been nothing but kind to me. she doesn't even get anything out of it but i will never, ever take her or anyone of them for granted again. i was completely honest with her, and didn't see the point in lying anyway. getting back in the groove of university means i will hopefully lose the wanderlust that is in me. in fact, she's right, spot on. everyone needs someone like her.

i might have spoken too soon, but hell i'd rather say it now and have it craved in granite than to have just let this slip my thoughts like sand would leave your hands. i am also tasting an incredible love that just feels right in every way. there's no equal to what he is to me at this moment. perhaps it's also incredibly unfair of me to compare, but what else is there for me to draw a chart to?
call it cheesy, a phase, the honeymoon period, whatever you can think of.
but i'm having a little glimpse of happiness, so insatiable but so fulfilling.
it might not last, it might just dissipate and evaporate into complete darkness, but while i have all of these in my life now, i will make every inch of it mine.

i hope you'll never live to say that it's been a regret knowing me because only the universe knows what words cannot even begin to explain what each one of you means to me at this point of time in my life.

all this traveling has done a little to chip off some of me every time. soon i'll be left with less than me, and more of everyone, just the way i'd always hoped it would be.