wanderlust

We are the collective product in progress.
Sometimes a by-product of who we meet, what we see.
in the closing days of 2010, there's been so much said and done.
every year moves faster than the previous one.
perhaps at the beginning of my gap year i didn't exactly know what i wanted to do, the dream of studying abroad this year, did not materialize. i kept putting it off, i wanted so badly to make us that in the end i saw where it was all going. just nowhere.
i took jobs, signed contracts, put up hours for things i didn't want, people i didn't like. there was a lesson to be learned in every place. it was making me unhappy along with all these emotions that weren't even in check.
it was just a big fat mess, the more i tried to clear it up, the messier it became.
still, i think in the months past, a lot of me has become clearer. i will return to university in February. I am going to Laos for a week before that. and in the most immediate future i am going to settle university issues, take out a loan, finish this internship, hopefully score another internship, drink more wine, eat and be merry, have Christmas and New Year pass by without any more emotional drama. i sometimes get the feeling that my life seems to be like a scandalous television mini-series, the one where the girl is always lost. but hey what do i know? i don't even watch TV. yes, that's right, when people ask me where i get my American accent from, i say it's from American TV. darlings, i lied okay? i don't have an accent, i just speak good English. anyway i'm deviating. point is, there's a lot to be done in the last week of this decade.