your call.

learning to speak another language is really a bitch sometimes.
i can't singsong along with the audio cd
and i remember half the words that are mechanically said.
so at the end of it all, i just don't remember what i've just said, on repeat.

nevertheless, i'm as excited as a child getting a brand new puppy
i'm definitely looking forward to this trip, even though it may mean that i will be spending a couple of important family vacations and celebrations away from home.

it's strange to think that i've accepted someone else's family as my own, or at least people that have begun to make a regular appearance on my stage.
think of it as one of those local dramas you watch, like that kopitiam show with mano maniam in it. we've got the regulars, the extras, the dramas, the weird props and maybe even an occasional make up artist or someone to do our hair.
the script can range from happy to angry, sober and drunk, funny and sarcastic with random splashes of wit and ridiculous notions. i hear conversations that unearth history, pretty artifacts or ugly bits of ruined pieces. it's something like my own family stage, but they have yet to meet the other side, and many times i've felt worse than i really should because in truth i'm not ashamed of these guests, but i've always had to move them aside when my own family comes to play. they hide behind a thinly veiled curtain, joking and fooling around whilst this other side goes about their daily routine without maybe the slightest inkling.

i can't decide whose company i would enjoy more, but i do think that i would not be able to choose should you give me that option

is it too fast a move? i recall CD saying that sometime back, when i mentioned to her that i just got back from a weekend getaway with said family, and she sounded surprised that things were that serious. to me, i guess she didn't know the extent of our relationship but it got me thinking, are we really moving too fast or are we just comfortable with how everything is already that steps were taken without discussion?

i have nothing, absolutely nothing against such progress at all.
but in the eyes of other people, they seem to think that for us, this is the real deal.
i believe so too, and for many reasons, i'm glad of it.
i would absolutely hate being one of those people, being strung along for a ride just because i happened to be at the right place and the right time, or rather the wrong person and a wrong choice.

this is NOT a rant, it's jut one of those things that's buried beneath many other thoughts that it surfaced gradually and reflected recent events.