coup de grace

the tests
the trials
the speeches
the silence
the thoughts
the words
the music
the footsteps
the fingerprints
the laughter
the sadness
the winter chill
the summer breeze
the autumn leaves
the spring fresh
the highs
the lows
the kisses
the tears
the love
the hurt
the good
the bad
the insane
the rationale


i am.

bite marks and coffee mugs

because i think Nicolas Cage deserves an award for every damn movie he's ever been in, fml please.
except for faceoff and con air

because the reason wasn't to stay, it was to leave

because William Blake carved more than his name in me

because a circle symbolizes something with no end

because Judgment Day is like a Martin

because you're worth more dead than alive.

I have found little that is good about human beings. In my experience most of them, on the whole, are trash - Sigmund Freud

i contemplate on giving people an opportunity to prove me wrong
optimism should not fail me, or so i think.
but every chance you take, you disappoint me further.

i can't give up yet.
not right now.

i don't want to fall asleep at night feeling completely hopeless and thinking i have failed again at another attempt. i want to wake up, charged to take you head on.
maybe one day, you will see the other side.

hope is the only thing left that's worth something.

my brother bought me a hairclip from his latest trip.
enough said.

sick cycle, it's always the drink that gets me in the end.
hey, it's better than sleeping pills.
bob said i could OD on them +_+


essays are now just words. big words, small words, they are lost to me now.
everything i touch, turns to stone.

spontaneous combustion

would you leave me out in the winter cold
was it just my imagination
or did that dream come true?
let me take you to where rainbows meet
only three miles away from the castles in the sky
paint the sky a deep amber
and call me when you find yourself

inhale deeply and plunge into the deepest ocean
take a moment to sink in the biggest cloud
they come in shapes that you carve with your mind













what's the meaning of it all if what we strive for amounts to nothing?
what's the value of each and everything we acquire?
what's the price we pay and is it what we look for?
does it equate to what we really desire?
don't you question the reason as to why we wake up everyday?
haven't you ever fallen asleep, thinking it'd all be over if you just didn't wake up again?
what's the point?
what is the damn point?

you can't give me what i want
you can't give me anything you think i want
so just give up already
just take ur shit and leave
don't stick around thinking i'm just craving and wanting your subtle nuances


you are nothing
you are nothing to me and you can't try to be what you have been wanting to be.
you just have to be.


jump the ship
break the bottle
slap your mother if you have to

just get out of that trance


stop waiting for people to save you
they will never come to your rescue
it's human nature to be selfish at first instance

"oh i understand how you feel"
fuck you
you don't understand anything.
don't even try
you'll get sucked into a warp of nothingness that you wished you never touched in the first place

when there's nothing left to burn
you've got to set yourself on fire.







i could never leave you even if i wanted to
you have too much of me















women must not give the secrets of their heart so freely
i do not blame my love
but my discretion

men will take love for granted if they should know at one glance that we would give the world for them
i am no such!

give me a little of yourself
it is not in my nature to give

i am intent in doing something no other has achieved

i shall be valued for me
i took the heat of my own soul
and moulded it and so triumphed!

what i think you want is power over me
which i do bridle at

for it is only i who can do what you say i can do
i want the passionate love
i want to sweep the hearts of the people
i wish to be moved
i cannot feel in life
you are spoken as a man who has a stomach for life

that women will ever view men with suspicion

life has no purpose
trembling confused
dry
unmoving lump i lie

i'm that hot shot down the block
i don't want to live in a box
this is my youth
this is my life
i'm on a foot long leash
bitch you can't handle the fucking truth
so i lie
just to make you feel better
ignorance is bliss

break into a run
slow down the beat
keep it going
just don't fall out midway

slow motion

Arctic Monkeys - Only One Who Knows

In a foreign place
The saving grace was the feeling
That it was her heart that he was stealing
He was ready to impress
And the fierce excitement
The eyes are bright
He couldn't wait to get away
And I bet that Juliet was just the icing on the cake
Make no mistake, no
And even somehow he could have shown you
The place you wanted
Well I'm sure you could have made it that bit better on your own
And I bet she told a million people that she'd stay in touch
But all the little promise that don't mean much
When there's memories to be made
And I hope you're holding hands by new year's eve
They made it far too easy to believe
That true romance can't be achieved these days
And even if somehow they could have shown you the place you wanted
Well I'm sure you could have made it that bit better on your own
You are the only ones who know

two-timing

they came right in for me.
i did nothing to stop them.
no, i didn't.
oh i didn't want to, i didn't mean to, i didn't...
it happened anyway.

what now?
what will happen now?
should i lie? should i pretend it didn't happen?
would i be able to wash my hands clean of that?

even if you could get over it, my conscience wouldn't let me go.

i get scared, terrified even, when i know we are just the same
no way, i don't exist as a man, i exist as i am
but you proved it all wrong.
that itself is so exhilarating, satisfying
there is definitely a male version of me
i've found what i've been looking for
how many of us can say we've met our match in this life?
i have, and it's been one exciting ride.
i wouldn't exchange this for the fucking world.
all the mistakes, all the right moves
damn right, this is the shit everyone begs for.
everyone else just pales in friggin comparison, it's pathetic.

baby, it's all been a game. just a mind game.
it's like being on fire. all i ever searched for was the fire and who started it.

For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. - Francis Bacon



on another note, nothing impresses me now.
he was right. sometimes, i wish i was easier to please.

i feel bad, for all the people who get used for money.
it's times like these i'm glad i'm not filthy rich
it's just disgusting to actually view someone for how much money they have
instead of what they really hold in their hearts

i guess i can say i was once that way
but not anymore
and i'm glad i have changed.
it's downright a shame.


you get what you deserve

the perishers - trouble sleeping

I’m having trouble sleeping
You’re jumping in my bed
Twisting in my head
Leave me

I’m having trouble breathing
You’re sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest
Leave me

It’s you
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never dared to let
my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
never cared
too much about honesty

I’m having trouble sleeping
I’m thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me

It’s you
Now and always you
but never me
I’ve never dared to
let my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
never cared
too much about honesty

third eye blind - how's it going to be

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder is there anything
I'm going to miss
I wonder how it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there's no one there to talk to
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like the hammock by the
Doorway we spent time in swings empty
Don't see lightning like last fall
When it was always about to hit me
I wonder how's it going to be
When it goes down
How's it going to be
When you're not around
How's it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
And how's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
I want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion oblivion
How's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
How's it going to be

the cardigans - for what it's worth

One, two, three, four

Hey baby come round
Keep holding me down
And I'll be keeping you up tonight.

The four letter word got stuck in my head
The dirtiest word that I've ever said
It's making me feel alright.

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do
Oh what is worse I'm gonna run run run
'Till the sweetness gets to you
And what is worse I love you!

Hey please baby come back
There'll be no more loving attack
And I'll be keeping it cool tonight.

The four letter word is out of my head
Come on around get back in my bed
Keep making me feel alright.

For what it's worth I like you
And what is worse I really do
Things have been worse
And we had fun fun fun
'Till I said I love you
And what is worse I really do!

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do.
Oh

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do.
Oh

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do....

bettie serveert - lover i don't have to love

I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "i like your shoes."
You said, "thanks can i follow you?"


So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...


Now it's two o'clock-
The club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans


Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before


I want a lover i don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but i'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "it feels good."
I said, "i'll give it a try."


Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning


Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...


I want a lover i don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where is the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and i can't seem to get full
I need some meaning i can memorize
The kind i have always seem to slip my mind


But you..
But you...
You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt

Do you like to hurt?
I do, i do
Then hurt me..
Then hurt me...
Then hurt me...

kt tunstall - other side of the world

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

The fire fades away

Can you help me
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

The fire fades away

keane - bedshaped

Many's the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of your old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And I don't understand the same things as you
But I do

Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

electric president - good morning, hypocrite

Seems like the roads stretch out like veins, but there's no heart.
Nature's haircut is concrete now, and we played our part.
So we sing ...

I've lost my taste for modern things. They're not for me.
I want mundane: a quiet place, where time is free,
And I can sing ...

Climbed from my bed, to collect the thoughts that'd fallen from my head,
And you watched me sink, through the carpet, through the basement, and beyond.
And you didn't blink.

On the glass, I traced the sun with my thumb. It sank into the ground.
And then the stars were blinking, like kids who were staring into the wind.
So I climbed through the window and walked until I lost my name.
Now I can play the victim. It's fine. I've seen it on TV.
But if there's one thing I know, it's that I never really know enough.

Our heads, our hands, our brains, our lungs: they're just machines.
These hearts are all that we've got left, and they don't beat.

Live a little, talk a lot; it's the way this goes.
I've come to fear the little knives beneath their well-pressed clothes.
Their arms are reaching; reach is spreading through the neon glow.
Their mouths are moving, but their voices sound like telephones.
The traffic hums; the traffic grumbles near my old window.
The street lights flicker; glow and hover like suspended snow.
I used to watch the moon retreat and wonder where it goes.
Now I just wonder why my head is overrun with ghosts

club 8 - love in december

so this is love
in the end of december
quiet nights
quiet stars
and i'm here
monday to sunday
cause you're fragile
and i'm weak

so you fall
when the nights grow longer
into sleep
and won't wake up

and i'm here
i'm sitting beside you
and i'll wait until the spring

don't you worry
i'll be there for you
don't worry about me
you know me better than that
don't you worry
i'll be there for you
i'll catch you if you would fall

so you drift
when the days grow colder
away from me
and won't look back
far away
and i can't guide you
but i'm here
til the spring

don't you worry
i'll be there for you
don't worry about me
you know me better than that
don't you worry
i'll be there for you
i'll catch you if you would fall

don't you worry
i'll be there for you
don't worry about me
you know me better than that
don't you worry
i'll be there for you
i'll catch you if you would fall

i'll catch you if you would fall

I don't want something that I can lose

don't put my love on the runaway train
the spiral stairs which disappears into thin air
or the escalator that leads to nowhere

is it so hard to keep your heart?
no, no i can't stop someone from taking you away
but baby please, don't come and go as you wish
and just stay

you only hope we take a wrong step
and darling, there it all goes
does good prevail in this game?
would honesty and truth be the make or the break?

you don't get even the least from me
because you don't deserve it
despicable intentions underneath that pretty mask
but i wish you well, even if jealousy is your only friend.

find your own man, goddamnit.

deeper conversation

Is your favourite colour blue?
And do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outer space?
I'm learning you

Is your skin as tan as mine?
Does your hair flow side ways?
Did someone take a portion of your heart?
Now I'm learning you

And if you don't mind can you tell me all your hopes & fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me....

I've let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

And if you don't mind can you tell me all your hopes & fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me....

And if you don't mind can you tell me all your hopes & fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me....

Deeper conversation with me
Deeper conversation

Does your name rhyme with mine?


i heard this tonight on the way to his place
there is no other
it was raining quite heavily
and the radio was fuzzy as usual
but i heard this song, and i was no longer in my car

i was next to him, lying on the mattress of ap's room
in the dark, looking at each other
listening to music
talking
reading each others minds
it was almost too much
but i couldn't stop myself
and i knew he couldn't either.

the bright brake lights brought me back to the car.
ah, we're beautifully equal

you drilled into me that children are not filial
that the young ones never did show gratitude, appreciation, love
you mention, time and again, we would grow up and forget about the bosoms that we nestled in
the giant hands that led us across streets, shoulders that we sit upon
you were on repeat, how we do not care about you
how we live our lives in obscurity, privacy and solitude
that family was nothing to us

but the real question is, it's all reverse psychology isn't it?
that you say what you say because you want us to do the opposite of what you tell us.
let me tell you something, the answer is that no matter how much you try to backtrack our behavior, it will not succeed. you played this the wrong way.
every time you tell me i don't care about you, i really do care a little less.
and one day it will all dry up and there'll be nothing left to show for it.
it's sad, it's a pity, it's a sham
but you said it, you said it more than enough to make it come true.
now, you have your wish, you got what you asked for.

why then are you still so unhappy?

Please, hold up my heart
Give me a reason for this empty silence

You're here but you seem so far
Why did you run away from me?
Is it because I'm not as pretty as I used to be?
Oh, like a picture on the wall,
Shoulda known that I was bound to fall,

So please, hold up my heart
Give me a reason for this empty silence
Please, hold up my heart
Darlin', I am changing, but everybody's changing too.

When I am weak, try to always find the best of you and me
But I will always be the one who understands you
Like a picture on the wall
Shoulda known that I was bound to fall

So please, hold up my heart
Give me a reason for this empty silence
Please, hold up my heart
Darlin' I am changing, but everybody's changing too.

We share hope, we share life
We share kisses by the fire
and I will always be the one who understands you

So please, hold up my heart
Give me a reason for this empty silence
Please, hold up my heart
Give me a reason for this empty silence
Please, hold up my heart
Darlin' I am changing, but everybody's changing too.



Darlin, I am changing, but everybody's changing too.